First I'll start with apologies to anyone whos WS does not want to reconcile. I understand that must be very hard.

I am feeling a bit angry that my WS has always assumed that stopping As was somehow benevolent, like I should be grateful or something, that she's giving up something for me (how kind). This goes with the assumption that I actually want our relationship to continue, whereas in fact no-one asked me to make a choice. I just got landed with a load of "facts" one day and have thrashed around for months since. We keep saying the words "I love you" but I just don't know what that means anymore. I care about her, don't want her to be hurt etc. Some days my ideal is that we part as friends, something that just isn't likely.

On the face of it, the relationship is better than ever - patience, kindness, spending time together etc. But it has no depth at all for me, like it could all be taken away with a word, a phonecall, another revelation. July will be the 1st anniversary of D-Day and I wish I felt more positive right now.

I still feel so guilty that I can't forgive and I wish I could. Thanks all, Sam

Sam,

Close to the one year point I still had one foot out the door...anger was but a word away..more rage.

My H was also being nice telling me the truth by this time and we were in a better relationship...loving caring...the I loves you were part of our language.

I did make the choice to stay...H suggested MC and he ended contact with the OW...H choose to stay with me...Sam I made the choice to stay after a year..

Forgiveness is that fleeting feeling...I have not said I forgive my H out loud...did that the fist time and ment it then...about 2 yrs ago I handed my feelings of forgiveness to God and asked him to decide...I am comfortable with this. There are many wonderful posts you can search out on the open board and on deeper healing on forgiveness...Ami, Jane and Fairyfriend have written a few posts that are wonderful. about forgiveness.

There may be a link to one post on the forum if so i will bump it up for you..I will also look for some of the other ones I am thinking about and bump them up too....it may take me a while...

Pat

"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."


found Jane's post...it is on the deeper healing... please forgive me...

I can relate to your observation that certain WS's feel that stopping their whoring around is doing us such a big favor, we should all be forever grateful, not angry, hurt or upset!

After all, isn't that what we wanted? They made the big sacrifice and chose US after all....My own W made big announcements to OM's #1 through #4 that we were getting back together. (& violating the "no contact" rule in the process, of course...). Of course, they all wished her well--she left on "friendly" terms with each and every one of the 'lil cockroaches....
to this day I still wonder if she gave each of them a little bon voyage present, if you get my drift....

Also that "I Love You" after that from an unremorseful spouse has as much sparkle as flat ginger ale.....

Sorry to add anything negative, Sam....you hit a resonant chord in me, bro.

I wish you only good things in your reconciliation, and that your W finally will "get it".
BB