Well hello everyone,I am now 9months past d-day and after 3 separations and attemted divorce (which I didnt go through with).My husband has moved back in and we are hoping things will work out.When he had an affair with a close friend of mine EA/PA it tore my world apart and all I could react with was anger and hate..I still get moments of anger but now I try and let them go otherwise the anger consumes me and I dont like what I become.It is one of the most painful things I have experienced,until last month when my father took his own life and I guess you could say it puts everything into perspective for me anyway.They say when you lose someone close to you look after the ones you love,and I guess thats right because I do love my husband very much inspite of everything and I have chosen to fight for this marriage. He does seem to be making more of an effort than in previous reconcilliation attempts and I am trying to focus on the positive things he does rather than the negative all the time.When we are hurt so deeply we just want them to experience the pain I think and thats why we are always negative in our responses to anything,but I do have hope now for the first time in a long time and that has to be good I think. It isnt easy to trust either and although they have to be transparent to try and regain some level of trust,it is very easy to question them too much and make them feel as if they are constantly on trial and this is what my husband felt (although I know he had the affair and we feel we have the right to question) but it didnt bring us closer by me questioning every little thing he did. I found out he had an affair once and the way I see it if he is "STUPID" enought to risk losing his family again then I will find out eventually..and yes I guess thats a risk we all have to take when choosing to reconcille.His actions now over the long term will show me what I am to him and what our relationship will become at the end of this rollercoaster ride. I hope you are all doing well,and I do have down days and triggers but they do pass and I'm hoping that with each day they will get less and less.and our love will grow even more.Hugs to you all.Mec.xxxxxxxxxx

Dear Mec, Welcome back to the boards. I read a lot of what you wrote earlier when you were here and remember a lot of your story. Its been quite a road for you.

Let me first say from the bottom of my heart, I am so very sorry about your father's death. Because his passing is so recent, I would imagine you are still reeling and processing how he chose to go and what that means for you. I hope that you are able to grieve and work through that pain as best you can. I hope your H is standing by and supporting you throughout this.

You sound stronger, Mec. I don't know if that's because in many ways you've walked through the emotional eye of the hurricane, and have come out on the other side. But there is a clarity in your "voice" that sounds healthy and more healed (though I'm sure that's a continuing process).

I wish you and your H the best in your M's recovery. Are you guys doing MC? Are you in IC? Again, welcome back. Hugs to you. BlueIris

Hi Mec,

Nice to read your update. I have thought about you many times.

Glad things are on a good track for you and your H now. I wish you both the best.

Take care and keep us posted. It is a LONG road.

Coral

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."