DO you learn to Accept something that was taken away from you.. ok what i mean is. NOW my H want to work things out. he has been what it seem like very nice to me.kissing me before he goes to work. handing little note and paper towels. sending text messages.

SO why can't i accept all of this . I mean for real i'm so stupid cause i think I wonder if this is what he does for all the other women he flirts with. GOd is like i'm trying to find bad in him.. I just very raw for me right now.. in a couple days it will be one yr to D -day.and I"M anger at him about that.. anger that just a couple month ago he was still flirting.

See he is now telling me Well give me credit this is hard for me. I"M like umm how hard is it to love somebody. and show them that you love them I sooo am not understanding that he told me since he has "shut down" for so long its hard for him to show me things... ya know this pisses me off ..ok ok soooo i think I"M having a bad day lol I keep reading and reading everybody post and its hard because most of you are feeling the same thing I am. maybe i just need to get my feeling off my chest.

just wondering why does it feel the same after one yr as if your right there again? I thought it would just pass by and i would be ok.... just feels weird..Just feelng sad today... It will pass i know... I just want some of my doubts i think to start to pass... and there just not .... I feel like with me not accepting the things he does will just push him away again..

hugs april on the ramblings of her life again lol..

Hey, I am so sorry. I really feel your pain. I feel that same pain everyday. I am only almost 5 months past it but my thoughts are the same. I just want to get past this and I get frustrated with myself for not being able to put this behind me. My W is showing remorse, doing everything right, being an open book and she also wants this to work but still I have my doubts...because of how I feel. Given what she does I know I have the recipe for reconciliation but I feel there is an ingredient missing. That ingredient is my feelings. How I feel about this and how hurt I am. Not matter if she sorry it doesn’t take away what I have to deal with and I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment. I am willing to "plug" along and hopefully it will appear in the future. I am sorry, I said nothing helpful but know I feel your pain and hope you (we all) get better!!!!!!!!!!!

(((((((((April))))))))))))

The one year mark was hard for me too. It seems as if you're reliving the whole thing, only this time you're aware that it's happening. It gets easier with each passing year.

As far as your reaction to his overtures, I think you have to explore your feelings to see how your subconcious is working to lead in this reaction. For me, it was because of trust issues. I didn't trust that her attempts were genuine, but rather an attempt to make peace or get herself off the hook. I called it 'damage control'. I didn't want damage control, I wanted genuine transparency from her. When I could finally see that her actions were real and not patronization or superficial, then I was able to trust more.

It takes time to get to that point. Over the long haul it took patience from everyone, and an understanding that each good deed added to restoring the trust that was once there.

TomJ

(((((((((((((hartbroken44)))))))))) thank you.. See I know so many understand and sometimes i feel bad for posting things.. kinda of like a repeat.. I"M sooo very sorry for your pain. I read your post but sometimes i just dont know what to say to you.. I do not like feeling like I"M stuck for so long all i wanted was for MY spouse to love me. and when he is trying I can't accepted it .. maybe thats what bothering me I"M not willing to take the Risk ! I think that it is Risk is it worth it to get hurt one more time. IF you ever ever need to chat vent or anything I"M here for you.. seem we are both in the same boat. or will living on the boat.. lol i want to dock for a while..

we will get through this it will take time.. and your words helped me a lot more then you will ever beable to understand..

hugs to you...
april
tom thank you ... I love it when you reply your have a way with words that make me understand thing.. YOUR right I dont trust him.. BUT once again I have to be willing to take the risk of trying to see that he is trying... and that in it self take a little time.. thank you again so much.....

Hi April,

First, hugs to you!

I felt a lot like you do now during a phase where H did a 180 to keep his A(s) going. I got the notes, the kind words, I think I even told you that he printed off that book on affairs and read it with me, went to IC and Mc... basically acted like he was into us 100%. I was skeptical and with good reason. I had a hard time showing to him that I was in this 100%... I kept waiting for the next shoe to drop and of course it soon did. He played his A's from every angle with me. Acted mad at me, acted like he completely loved me, acted remorseful, you name it, he did it and it was all done to throw me off track.

I found it hard this past Feb. when he finally woke up to actually believe him. He had played me so many ways that I really thought his 180 again was another tactic. I was wrong, but it took me almost 4 months to say that "apprently" this time he meant what he was saying. Still it is hard to believe. And still for me it is hard to put 100% into us. I am still gaurded.

Does your gut tell you that this time he is being honest? Does your gut still feel like you are not sure what to believe? You may be struggeling with that just like I have and still am to a degree.

Coral

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."

thanks coral,

to be honest I still feel that he is leaving the door cracked .. I really think i would trust his actions more if he didn't keep throwing it at me that this is hard for him.. And now I"m a little bothered because he wants to go 24 hours shift at his new job. witch is 37 miles away.. and that just bothers me a lot.. but I can't talk about it cause it causes fights. just like I dont want him working nights. ohh man that is a big fight ..

it is little things like this that stick out in a big way to me..I know its a job but he also has proven that he can really mess up when he works thoses shifts.. I dont know.. It not that i'm affraid to trust him there is just something there buggin me and I can't put my finger on it.. ya know...

anyhow thanks again... I"m so happy that your H came around .I"M "hoping" lol for the same here.. there is that word again.. HOPE..

hugs
april

I don't think a betrayed person should be expected to jump backing to the relationship with both feet after trust has been broken. I believe that the wayward spouse should expect that a progression will occur, with occasional backsliding.

I believe we should push ourselves, but not to the point of giving back too much trust too soon.

TomJ