I am so upset right now. I am also so tired of being upset and crying and yet it seems like I can’t stop. My W was sick today and she did not have to go to work. Through out my day I was so much more relaxed and even though I was kinda down and in a depressed mood over all and did not have that worry, that uneasy, panicky feeling. What a relieve, but how short lived. I am sitting here and I know that in a couple of hours she is going back to work and see will see him and he will see her. I do not fear that she will do something or that something will happen. She has been honest and an open book and I trust that she has recommitted to our marriage but knowing what she did with this man and then knowing that she will lay eyes on him tomorrow and the day after and the day after kills me. It breaks my heart and the pain and sadness that I feel seems unbearable. I don’t know how to explain it but it just bothers me tremendously knowing that they are still in contact even if it is just business. I can’t take it. It’s been almost 5 months, you would think I would be use to it now but it seems like everyday is like the first day. She has a potential job that will free her from her current job and take him out of our lives but it may still be a while, months even. Thinking of how long it may still be is overwhelming and I am just trying to take it one day at a time. To be honest I don’t even know how I made it to this point. I have hope that this job will pan out and I know things can’t stay the same forever but at the moment it feels like there is no end. Is this what my life has become…me crying in front of the computer, writing about my discontent for life and MY W. Where did it all go wrong…how did it come to this? Sorry, I should stop
Hart,
I am so sorry you are hurting right now. I can feel your pain and needed to respond. I don't know what to say. Does you W know what you are feeling? I don't know what you finances are, but is it possible for her to look for another job sooner? I know it sounds easier then done, but I also think that no job is worth the agony you are feeling day after day. I have no great advice, but I do know that others here may say something better then me. Just keep venting and try talking to your wife.
Oh, Hart, I’m so sorry you are hurting so bad. I remember very vividly being exactly where you are. You are not alone. It is good that you realize you got this far, that is proof that you can and will endure this. You can make it, believe, have hope, that one day it will not hurt quite so much, and the day, week, month after that day it will again not hurt quite so much. It is a tiny baby step progression, and you have made more of those baby steps then you know.
You take it one day, one hour, one minute or one second at a time, which ever you are able to do, but all are great accomplishments.
I am sorry your wife is still in her work situation because it is causing you so much anxiety. Your feelings are perfectly normal under the circumstances. Other folks here have had similar situations, so know that you are not alone. Like every other aspect of dealing with an A, following Ami's advice of taking life one day at a time is really the best way.
Thank goodness that time does NOT stand still. Your wife WILL get another job. You WILL feel better about yourself and your marriage. Time is an important component of healing.
Oh, if only I had a magic wand I could wave that could take away all the sorrow of the BS here!
Dear Hart,
My own heart breaks all over again reading your post and knowing what you are going through. First of all, I had 4 D-days over three years that my husband would not give up his affair with the same woman. So, like all of us here, I fully understand how you feel. At five months, it is really way too soon to expect yourself to be feeling much of anything other than what you are feeling at this time. It's just too early. The devastation caused by betrayal goes much deeper than most people know until they experience it. It's like peeling an onion, and there is layer after layer. At five months, you are still on the top layer of just trying to get through each minute, hour, and day. Time will lessen this in baby steps, but it's an awful process to live through. Your life will not always be this way... just reduced to sitting in front of the computer crying and hurting. But for now, it feels that way. I used to hurt so badly that I'd look to see if I was bleeding through my skin. I felt like I couldn't even hold all the pain inside of me, because it felt bigger than my body. Tragically, what you are feeling is normal for what has happened to you. It's so sad and feels so unfair that we have to go through this to get some piece of our own self back. You have been kind of emotionally "pulverized," and it takes a long time to find the pieces, pick them up one by one, and put them back together. Your situation is especially hard, because of the workplace thing and that they see each other. We all feel powerless when we discover the affair, but this kind of situation makes us feel even MORE powerless. Our very reality had been controlled during the affair, thus taking away our power to choose and to know what was TRULY going on in our lives. My advice to you is to share these feelings with your spouse and to perhaps decide one or two things that would help calm some of your understandable fears, and then ask for those things. The cheaters have NO idea the level of pain they've caused, the depth of despair, or the amount of time and energy it takes to live through it from our end. They have to work very hard to help calm our fears. Just keep writing, use this forum as a place of support. You are, very sadly, not alone... but we all understand. Hugs to you.
Just want to thank you all for your kind words. This day that I dreaded last night is almost over and even though it was tough like any other, it’s one day closer to healing and one day further from D-Day…right? Thank you
In my case, there are 2 OM (one VERY close by) which I see on an almost daily basis. Each time it's a trigger and it all comes back again. Makes you want to retch.
I've found I just have to try to be strong and find things to do. Sometimes I need to dwell on stuff still but it's less than it was at 6 months (I'm nearing 12 months to D-Day 1).
Good luck, expect it and don't fight it too much. It will change.
