I am having a panic attack here. This really sucks. I just spoke to my W and she told me that she again overheard that they are asking him to go to my company. He told her before that he will NOT but realistically there is nothing he can say without raising a ton of suspicion that will explain why he would not come here. One, if his bosses tell him to I don’t think there is much he can do and second, if he is adamant about not coming it will raise suspicion and probably lead to the whole A leaking at her job and I don’t know what I will do. Nobody knows and I don’t want them too. I know many people there and the whole A is just so embarrassing to me. I will die. To make it worse this situation required her to have 2 interactions with him today already and now she is going to have to talk to him again, trying to make a plan to avoid chaos. This is not even happening…someone please pinch me so I would wake up.
Now, take a deep breath (corny but it works for me) and let it out slowly. Repeat and remind yourself that it is not personal (after all, those calling the shots don't know what is going on and that is a good thing) and know that you can get through it.
I know you're stressing out over this and I would be too if I thought OW might waltz into my workplace which is totally possible as I work in a retail pharmacy. Is it possible that someone other than you may be able to deal with him? Is there something else you could be working on or an errand to run when he arrives? Sometimes a little avoidance is necessary. Or maybe when you're introduced you could just give him a "I know who you are and won't hesitate to beat your @$$ if necessary" look and then go about your business. I know you said you are afraid you won't be able to hold back your anger. As someone else said previously you may just have to ignore him. You don't want to lose your job or have a run-in with the law over him. He's not worth your time. Your wife obviously loves you and is working on your marriage. He is nothing. Just remember if he does show up, you will get through this.
I know I'm no advice giver, but know that your in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))
So sorry you are hurting, Hart. It is an awful situation. Please remember this though: YOU have the upper hand here. Why? Because, your W, OM, and you all know about the A, but HIS W doesn't. So if he is smart, he will do nothing more to upset you. Personally, I would tell his wife anyway because as a BS myself, I believe she has the right to know. But assuming he doesn't want his W to find out, you know you have ammo against him that you can use if necessary.
Just keep telling yourself that YOU can control yourself.
You said "Nobody knows and I don’t want them too. I know many people there and the whole A is just so embarrassing to me. I will die." I know that feeling, but you must remember the affair wasn't about you. I haven't told anyone about H's affair but he told his best friend and a couple of work colleagues and OW told her best friend and maybe her daughter, so something of it may have leaked out. Yes, it's embarrassing. Yes, we BS feel that we've failed somehow - failed to keep our spouse happy, failed to recognise the problems in the marriage, failed to do the right thing. But the person who made the mistake is the WS, not us. It was never the right way to deal with the problems by having an affair. You shouldn't be embarrassed if people find out: you should hold your head high knowing that you didn't cross the line, that you kept your integrity. If H's affair became common knowledge now, I would be sad and embarrassed for him, but not for me, because I know I have done the right thing. Call it the high moral ground.
I do know the stress of knowing that the WS has had to be in contact with the OP: it eats you up and the images of what they have been to each other (and might be again) are very hard to bear. Unfortunately early on my H was still deeply involved in an emotional affair with OW and did things (like kiss her in the lift) that he knew he shouldn't. Now he dreads the contact, hates having to deal with the work issues that involve her, and is so glad the contract that involves her is nearly over. I'm sure your W feels the same about OM: it probably makes her feel just as sick as you that she has to interact with him.
Can't pinch you from this distance but we can support you through this because we understand.
