Last night, as I was winding down by reading a magazine, I got an eye opener when I came across one of the articles. It was about military spouses in Canada (of which I am one) and I thought it would be quick profiles on various spouses and their kids and how they miss Daddy. It was that, for the most part, until I saw a last name I recognized, but not the first. I actually swore outloud when I realized they did an interview on the widow of a classmate of mine from high school. They had been married last summer for 2 months when he left for Afghanistan and he was killed 2 weeks before he was to return home. (I had known about the death as my parents attended his funeral)

She actually described the moment every military spouse has nightmares of - 3 men in uniform showing up on your doorstep, one of them a chaplain. My hands started shaking as I read it. Then, I thought "For all the problems H and I have been going through, atleast he's not dead." This may sound weird, but that one thought made me realize why I am still fighting for my marriage - I honestly could not imagine a life without him in it in some way. He has said as much to me only a few days ago.He is my friend (even if what he has done is despicable).

Now, I know that this nightmare I am living through will probably get worse before it gets better. I will have panic attacks, self-doubt and may even have to walk away from my marriage. But atleast he is alive and whole and there is hope.

There are worse nightmares that I could be living.

Thanks for letting me share.

Chinook

You are absolutely right, Chinook. I am so sad that anyone is dying in that war. But I digress and avoid politics.

Your words "he is my friend even if what he has done is despicable" are just what I have told my H and our children. I HATE what my H did, but I LOVE him. Our older daughter understood that concept, but for a long time our younger daughter did not and expressed almost contempt for her father. I think she finally understands that we can love the sinner but hate the sin. My H had a lot of trouble accepting that I could separate the two in my mind, but I think he finally sees that good people can do horrible things.

Delicate fairy hugs,

fairyfriend