My husband(he works construction) decided, that from now on,he plans to follow one company, taking temporary jobs, many of them out of town"on the road"..For the past twenty years or so, he had been working for several different companies, so that he could stay around here, we lived in the same house for 20+ years, raising our boys. He is looking for a travel trailer, and he wants me to cosign on the loan for it...He says that he will make much more money, to help us pay off the college loans, etc, and that there is nothing,( including me), keeping him here in town anymore..In light of what is going on in our marriage, I have absolutely no trust that he won't have a different woman sleeping with him , while he is gone...He explained that he bought the laptop computer , because he was gearing up to go out of town on jobs, if opportunites became available....I am already feeling very alone..scared that I will get depressed and helpless, and grow old alone...
If I were in your shoes, the LAST thing I would do is cosign on a trailer for him. If he is that determined to travel, either he includes you, or he goes alone and pays for it alone. Just my fairy cents' worth . . .
If he is determined to go, what does he want from you and your marriage? Does he want you to go with him? Do you want to go with him?
What do YOU want?
I am sorry you are hurting and feeling so frustrated. I would be too.
Huge fairy hugs,
fairyfriend
edited to add: if he leaves, what will be keeping you from leaving and making a new life somewhere else for yourself? Just wondering . . .
This message has been edited by fairyfriend on Jun 15, 2007 10:04 AM
In my view this is not a issue that can be decided unilaterally by a married person. Both must agree on one or the other.
I agree with FF, you should investigate, if possible, going with him.
Most decisions that are based on getting more money are a false hope, becuase the personal suffering they introduce are usually not worth it in the long run.
Thanks Tom J, and FF, At this point in my life, I feel alienated from my husband, like he is divorced from me in spirit. I don't trust him....He knows that I don't want to pick up and go with him..he complains that spending the last 23 years as a form carpenter, in this same town held him back. from advancement in his job....I don't really want to pick up and travel with him, since I have had the same stable well paying job for for the last 23 years, with health insurance and benefits. There have been many periods in our marriage when I was the sole breadwinner of the family, the most recent, lasted five years, while the kids were in high school.(my H was depressed) If I don't move, and I stay with my company, I am 8 years from full retirement.Also our house is 1 year from being paid off. Thru the years I have encouraged my H to take classes to upgrade his skills for career, and let him know I would have happily helped him and supported him in doing, this...he declined saying he didn't like school,afraid his reading and spelling weren't strong enough,and that he was too busy.. Right now I don't want to travel with him,because at least where I am at now, I feel like I can be independent,and I'm in an area where I have a few friends and family around.Unless he quits blaming me for why he cheated and continues to lie, I don't hold out much hope for our marriage...
If you do not hold out much hope for the marriage (as you've said) and you feel divorced in spirit, there is no way in heck you should cosign any type of loan. And in a marriage, decisions such as this are made as a couple/family, not as an individual, as FF and Tom have said. Your WH is not acting in anyway like a married man, and I highly doubt he will act any more married if he is on the road.
Basically, it comes down to what YOU want. Do you want to stay married to a man who continues to toss his marriage aside, who only thinks of himself? Sure, he says he wants to make more money, but it sounds like more of an excuse to do what he wants than it does to help the family. Keep in mind, divorced or not he would still be obligated financially.
Take care of YOU...
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
