Today I talked with my H about some issues and he once again withdrew but this time I followed and asked what was wrong and he said that he hurt and I asked what hurt etc. And today we actually got somewhere. Normally when we talk we each retreat to different ends of the house and never actually finish a conversation or one of us will have a negative reaction to the topic and we will both clam up. Today I feel like we finally actually talked about the problems that caused my affair 7 years ago(I did say that we have horrible communication skills), and the problems that were caused by my affair. I was also able to ask my husband a question about his A that had been bothering me for awhile and he finally answered it with words other than "I don't know". I hate those words so much now that I actually cringe when I hear them. Today feels like it is a real step down the road to recovery and I know that we will probably still have many steps back but it has been quite a while since we moved forward!

Sounds to me like you had a real Fierce Conversation.

And as far as: "I don't know. I hate those words so much now that I actually cringe when I hear them"; we have officially banned those words in our house.

In Fierce Conversations (by Susan Scott) upon hearing "I don't know" she counters with,

"What would it be if you DID know?"

Peace is not just the absence of war; it's an exercise in compassion. -Dalai Lama
Coming to you from JJ

I like that response JJ ....good one! I will have to remember that.

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha