I feel so weird that I can't even figure out what the emotion is.
I feel hurt to the center of my being when I think about all the lies and the times that I told him how I felt he was hiding things and he would get short with me and say he wasn't hiding anything.
I am angry that he lied to me so many times and I am angry that he said that he was working on our marriage while he continued to call her and tried to see her.
I also feel greatful for the fact that now I really think that it is over and that I know that the OW feels great guilt and will not continue the relationship.
The OW told me that when she heard my voice on her voicemail that is when she "realized" that I was a real person and she started trying to push my H away. She also told me (and H confirmed it) that when he did call her that she would ask him how the kids and I were doing and she would ask him if he was really trying to work with me on our relationship and she would tell him things that he needed to do for me.
I feel so confused because I think that I should furious and should be packing my stuff but that isn't what I want. My H seems genuinely remorseful for the first time in 7 months. He told me yesterday that he felt lucky that I was willing to try to work things out still even after everything that he put me through. And that statement meant the world to me.
I also feel like I am kind of waiting for the other shoe to fall. For when my emotions kick in after the numbness wears off. And I wonder will the emotions definately come? This point is where I have wanted to be with him the whole time. Where he was finally willing to open up and let the secret out of the bag and to really work on repairing the damage that was done.
So now what I don't really know what to do next I have spent 7 months trying to get to this point and this was my goal. So what is the next goal supposed to be? I feel like I am ready to read a few books on how to heal and rebuild any suggestions?
Thank you to everyone who have responded to my questions and to everybody who has told their stories and what they did. It is the best feeling in the world to not be going through this alone. This was by far the most comfortable D-Day for me because I knew that I could open up and would receive kind sympathetic words and encouragement. So thank you everyone!
The 1 year date of the first time H slept with OW is coming up I have a lot of anxiety with how I will feel. The A started Aug 18th and D-Day one was Nov 21st D-Day 2 was Jan 6th and D-Day 3 was June 24th. So how do I cope with the thoughts on those days and on all the day in between?
I dont know what to tell you, Im still figuring out that question. Maybe you can clue me in. All I know is that we were always the ones who have been here, they strayed. So, they have to put some effort into fixing it so I try to take my cues from him. I try to go slow and see if he lives what he says about wanting us, to make sure he really means it. I cant bear to be deceived again.
My D-Day was Aug 31, Feb 22 when she announced she was pregnant, May 20 when child was born, May 24 DNA test confirmed it was his. All I know is when I feel like crying I let myself cry, usually alone.
I wish I could help you more on this one, sorry. But, Im here to listen and be here for you if it helps.
I think that all your emotions are so normal.. right now don't focus on the dates... they are not important at all...
Focus on the actions that your H has shown you that he is really committed to being with you...the date of the first time he slept with OW is just a date...it happened and and you now know the truth...
Discovery day is the day you will recall... because that is the day you confronted the A... we measure the good or bad the actions of our WS since that date...
My goals were simply to get thru one day with out thinking of the OW and the hurt my H caused me...that date happened well into the 2nd year past D-day...there were days that I had no thoughts of the OW end of first year but late at night I would hurt..I congratulated my self for having gotten thru the day.. the big day was when I really did NOT think about the A...
I understand waiting for the other shoe to fall...you are not sure that you have the full story and that is in the back of your mind...so you ask the questions front-wards and backwards inside out until you hear the same answer the same way each tme...you trust you now know the truth and that your H is being totally open with you..
Reading books is the best medicine because it confirms all the emotions you have been suffering thru. There are helpful hints that work on rebuilding communication
((((hugs)))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
