As you are probably all familiar here, my W is suffering from depression. This morning she slept in again, as she does every day, and she shouted at me when I tried to wake her up (at the time she told me) although then apologised briefly afterwards.

Anyway, she ended up ringing me at work, because yet again she was late for work and wanted to ask me if I thought she should text someone and tell them she had a doctors appointment. I responded quite short with something like, yes but why are you asking me? You need to deal with your own problems, you don't want me sorting your problems. But she said that she did when she asked for help, and she had just wanted my advice. She said I'd been a bit of an arse the last few days, and wasn't very nice to her.

What is going on? Am I picking fights?

Oh I'm so looking forward to going away this weekend! I leave tomorrow morning, and won't be back until monday! Although I have to call her every night so she knows I'm ok.

Is ages to another MC (week after next) and so far not a lot has come out of MC (2 sessions).

I don't think you are picking fights. You are begining to take care of yourself. You are begining to let her be responsible for herself. You are begining to call her on it when she is out of line. All this is healthy. It is good for you to seperate a little emotionally and let her face herself. You need to focus on you now. What do you need? In marriage? From her? In life?

I'm glad you decided to take the trip with your friends. Try to enjoy yourself. This is your time to relax.

Trinity

I don't think you are picking fights either. You are letting your W suffere her own consequences and solve her own problems. As it should be. She is reacting because, she wants to be able to be the one to decide when you can help and how much.

In Fact. You should be proud of yourself for not enabling and coming to her rescue. I know that was not easy for you.

Ami

Adam,

You said the right things. She shouldn't be asking you to get her out of jams that she puts herself into. It sounds like this has been going on for awhile now. By you standing your ground and making her deal with results of the choices she is making she will respect you more. She will have to fall on her face a few times before she will understand that she is the only one who can make her life better. She can't rely on you to get her thru the hard times that she causes.
I say all this because I suffer from depression also. I know exactly what she is talking about when she does something and wants someone to bail her out so she won't get into trouble. I use to do the same thing...although I wouldn't go into work at all and not call in. My H would always be sympathetic and say it's ok when now I see that it wasn't at all the right thing to do. It is a hard thing to overcome and I can say that I will never be off my medication. It has helped me so much. I take it like someone would with high blood pressure. It is a way of life for me and I have accepted it. We have learned what we need to do to work with it. I use to be embarrassed but not anymore. It is a health issue.

I wish you the best.
Laura

Adam,

If either of you is guilty of picking fights, it is your W. She claims she wants to be independent, but refuses to take responsibility for her actions. She has put you in a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't position. Who wakes you up in the morning? Who makes sure you get to work on time? Who talks to your boss? Let me guess--Adam! Did I get the answer correct?

Being older than 18 is not what makes a person mature. Taking personal responsibility does.

Good for you for not covering for her. You are absolutely correct. SHE needs to take personal responsibility. Hey, you are communicating with a group of people here at HH who understand first-hand what living with depression is like. Even when we have been depressed, most of us have at least made the effort to be responsible. Is it easy when a person is depressed? No, but we do because we are responsible. I believe that is one indication of why we BS were BS and not WS.

Hang in there. You are right, Adam.

ff