Hi there, just approaching Year 1 of D-Day 1 in 2 weeks. Our W anniversary is this weekend also. Any advice on how to get through it - I can feel myself getting agitated already!
Wedding anniversaries are very hard for me. I recall so many years that i was hurting and didn't understand why... had the 38th a few months ago...31 plus yrs that he cheated... so I just wish my H a good day and ignore the day, my H has taken me out to dinner at wonderful places but understands why I am not excited about the day ...This year I got him some clothing I really liked...he returned them and got himself a coat instead.. I was happy that he found something he liked.
My H gave the OW a gift that was the same gift he gave me for our anniversary. he bought it at the same place and time...Mine was donated to a charity function...and I don't miss it at all.
My looking at D-day-2 ...year 5 ...I look at the progress my H and I have made in our relationship and that we are still together.
If your wife is helping you heal and her actions are positive, tell he you appreciate her and this year you are struggling...I think she will understand... communication is the key when you are having triggers...keep the lines open.
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
Over at the Open Board, on the 4th page, there is a thread called "Wedding Anniversary Question". I started this thread the day before our wedding anniversary, because I was really edgy about how hard the day was going to be. There were some really great responses. Hopefully, you'll be able to get something from that.
As for me, I think what I learned is that its so very important to communicate your fear and anxiety, anger whatever to your W so that they can either understand, or at least be aware of how you're feeling.
Secondly, and for me this has been the biggest item, since DDay, I've worked so hard to protect myself from painful days, to shield myself from triggers, or whatever it is that makes me sad or angry in some futile attempt to outrun or escape the hurt. It doesn't work! I've found for me that realizing and accepting that pain will be part of that day, and allowing it to happen without being consumed by it, makes the day more bearable.
I haven't hit the DDay anniversary yet. That's a couple of months away, but there was a terrific post by Coral that I'll try and bump up. It made an impact on me and hopefully, for hold some nuggets of wisdom for you, too. Good luck with both days.
I would really love to hear once the days are over, what happened. How was it successful or not? Thanks, Sam, and good luck. Blue Iris
"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."
Sam, you will get through this! The deep heart pain you feel is shared by all of us on HH.
My own wedding anniversary memories are rough..I had to snatch away a photo she was holding of one of the OM at our wedding reception! (Some of her cheating happened just before we were married, some a year earlier).
Each one of us is unique in how we cope with our individual circumstances. Anniversaries can be awkward because in a "normal" (non-A tainted relationship) they are something to celebrate. But bring in an affair and there is a whole mix of feelings that surface.
Your feelings are normal; just don't let them overwhelm you. Sometimes I just blank out my mind & think of nothing at all--just let the ebb and flow of my brain waves take over, and block out the brain garbage.
I am of the opinion that one never really "gets over" an affair. If that were the case, I doubt there would be so many others like me, so long past D Day, who still find HH a valuable therapeutic tool, both to help others and in the process, find help for ourselves.
BB
It is really, really hard but I refused to allow the OW to take anything more from me. We went out for dinner, wrote and read eachother new vows.
On D Day, we decided to celebrate our new and improved marriage. Surprisingly, that turned out to be a great idea and we had a great time. It actually felt good to compare the anniversary of D Day with the actual D Day. It showed how far we have come.
I hope you are able to get through this somehow - or even better, take the opportunity to evaluate your progress. We cannot let those loser OW/OM destroy our present and future the way they did our past.
I am about 16 months past d-day. D-day anniversary was not easy but I survived with some new and positive memory. Mine was on Valentine's day so there were triggers everywhere. I was still very sad/mad at that time but decided to make one positive impact on that particular day. I was sick of being drowned in sorrow. I asked my WH for my wedding ring back. (I took it off on D-day and he had kept it with him since). We went for a low-key dinner without the kids. We did not talk about the affair nor any future plans. We did make small talks aobut OUR past, how we connected and enjoyed each other in those years.
The W anniversary passed okay. We went away for the weekend and enjoyed it, lived in the moment etc. No cards or gifts but we both did say "happy anniversary".
There's still a feeling of emptiness and we have the anniversary of D-Day1 in just two weeks. Sometimes I just think we're flogging a dead horse here but will keep on trying. Thanks so much for your posts, Samuel.
