Kelly,
By my observation, not personal experience, if NC is firmly in place it takes roughly about 6 months, some longer, some shorter. Withdrawal from the OW can not take place until all contact, that includes any contact you may have, has ended. There is absolutely no situation where continued contact is helpful to the healing process for either the WS or the BS. Even those where the work situation will not allow complete NC. But I am now getting off track.
I worry, that you are more concerned with his feelings then you are with your own well being. Please have him read this ebook that you can download for a small fee at
www.aftertheraffair.net He really needs to understand that his betrayal feelings for the OW pale in comparison to the excruciating pain you are feeling do to his mega-betrayal. My H also felt betrayed by the OW for talking to me. I know how much this just cuts through you. He needs to understand and validate your pain.
Also consider a program like Retrouvaille. Information can be found at
www.retrouvaille.org Retrouvaille is a program for married couples in trouble, it teaches better communication skills. Communication does not mean just talking about your feelings, it much, much more. I found the tools learned in the program invaluable, not just in my marriage, but in how I deal with every person in my life.
Ami
