Hello to all. I've been reading, just not posting. So sorry to see new people here. Anxiety has reached an all time high for me - I've had lots of family coming to visit and my brain is spent from trying to separate the A from the psycho OW from the H trying to R with me from the normal everyday stuff that occurs in life.
Today my H was given a 30 day letter at work. This means they are firing him - or rather "asking" him to resign. I don't have a job yet. I am terrified.
Last Wednesday we were told that the judge reopened the CS case - this is good, what we wanted. Found out the week before that the OW quit her job to be "at home" with the OC. She can do this b/c she is receiving half of the H's money, not to mention her monthly trust fund checks. I am full of fear that we will go to court and she will win anyway.
There is much to do to prepare for the court case. It feels surreal to be helping my H - he created this mess! On the other hand, the OW's actions are criminal, how can one person defend against them? I feel all too well the pain of this A, the consequences of it are in my face everytime I look at the insurance cards. I feel the harsh reality of these consequences when I try to pay our grocery bill. And now - H loses his job. What is left?
Sometimes I think that I have been brought to rock bottom b/c I chose to stay with H and try to R. Everyone in my family and in my H's family thought I should leave. My father told me I would come to financial ruin if I stayed. My gut told me not to listen to them. To stay. I felt strong and right in my decision. I don't feel very strong right now - just fear, pain and sadness to my core. Three children are counting on me and I want to hide in my bed. I'm still here - but I can feel the break inside me.
