Thanks to everyone who has been here for me and listened to all my posts. I am a testimony to the wisdom that some affairs cannot be overcome.

I cannot let go of it. I find myself constantly burdened with it. My fiance and I (although we were not married it felt like it we lived together and were saving our money for our wedding)had the perfect loving relationship right out of a fairy tale. I could have never dreamed of anything better. Thats the main part of why I cant get over this.

I cant accept this shattered mess and try to put it back together. It will never be wonderful and perfect again. I cant live with less than what we had, and the more I try the more it hurts because it is so broken for me. No matter how hard he tries, I cant get beyond it.

Tears, Tears Tears. Its dead and I have to let it go.

Thanks everyone, your all the best. I wish you all well.

Different story, but I am right there with you today. The end came for me last week.

I do believe that once you make the choice to stay or go - it does get easier. I feel relief today and that has been well needed in the past year. I know its a long raod ahead, but I have a purpose and direction that I havent felt in months.

Best of luck on whatever route you may take, but regardless, know you are not alone.

I feel the pain with you as well.

BIG HUGS!

Coral

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."

Thanks Coral,

It helps to know Im not alone. Im feeling so low right now, like morning a death, and I also feel like such a quitter and a failure. But under all of that I feel a sense of relief and a chance to make a new start(thats scary too). Hopefully I'll regain myself in the coming days and find some strength and confidence. Good luck to you too!

You are right - it is like mourning a death, isnt it? Very good way to put it. But even like a death, it does get easier with time. Most everything does, doesnt it?

What ever you decide, I hope you find peace. You certianly arent a failure! I think for anyone to come through infidelity and be with the WS / FWS for any length of time after is CERTAINLY NOT a failure. You felt out what was and wasnt comfortable for you at this point and to be honest that is a sucess!

I look at it this way... the playing field changed for me not because I wanted it to, but becuase my H changed it - now the team has changed and just because I dont want to continue to play on that same field doesnt make me a failure... know what I mean?

Hugs to you.

Coral

"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."

osfan,

You don't have to leave us. You made a hard decision...the right one for you and we are here to support you...


(((((((hugs))))))))


Pat

"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

I used to think i could not get past anything.. and that was just a month ago.. and who know maybe next time I will break down again.. but i feel stronger everyday with know what ever my H desided for me or his family will be his choice not mine.. I didn't break this he did..

I"m sorry for your pain and I wish you all the luck to get past this and find yourself again.

I hope you can keep posting and let the other help you...

april

Hi everyone,

I guess what is most frustrating and aggravating to me is the fact that I am a very bright, professional woman, and I have always been a very good judge of character. I have managed and been in charge of closing business deals, hiring, dealing with employees with drug and alcohol issues etc.

But, when it came to this man I was COMPLETELY blind. I allowed myself to be an absolute fool. I even went through the birth of his OC with OW and still stuck by him. WHAT AN IDIOT.

So often on this site the "fog" that the WS is in is discussed. What about the "fog" that we are in???? I mean when we allow ourselves to be treated like dirt and everyone else can see it and watch it destroy us but we are so blind we cant see it ourselves? (This is not meant to be critical just an observation)
Anyone KWIM???

This morning I feel like I am just emerging from this dense fog. I have hope and feel free and I am releasing this baggage. I still have this horrible hole in my heart and my life but I feel clean like I can make a fresh start.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, dear girl. Your very true love for your Fiance was what kept you trying and hopeful despite the despair and crushing blow of the A. Maybe that's a love fog. Maybe its just the strength of your committment and needing to feel like you gave him every chance to be who he set out to be with you.

I remember when you first posted. A huge part of me wanted to scream "RUN! Run now, run fast." Of course, that's what part of me said to myself when I had my DDay. But I want you to have an unblemished love when you get married. I want your wedding planning to be filled with hope and promise and excitement. Not recovery and suspicion and doubt.

In some ways, you have a gift that a lot of us didn't have. Prior to marriage, you've learned that blind trust is not a good thing to have in a person. Love and marriage are not fairytale romance scenarios. People's family history has a huge impact on who they are.

I don't want you to go into the world and new relationships being jaded. Just be wiser.

Its too early here, and I'm going to try and go back to bed. You are very much on my mind, and there's more I'd like to say...and goodness! I'd like to say it more clearly. We'll see what the morning light brings.

Be well. Be strong. Be whole. Be new. Be you. BlueIris

"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."

Despite your pained heart, you are being true to yourself. In the long run, it will come to be more positive as you find new, true love and relegate the trauma of your fiance's cheating to the dustbin of history. The haunting of what this man did will be replaced by the joy of a new, faithful relationship.

It's the move I should have made many years ago when my (now) W betrayed me. I thank you for affirming that it's just as painful as if we had been married at the time.

BB

Osfan, my heart aches for you and I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry. I know exactly what you mean when you say you feel like a failure, but remember that you are not!! I feel like that many times even though I know everybody says the A has nothing to do with the BS. I have doubts sometimes whether I can live with this or even want to. Strangely even though she had the A, she did the damage, I feel that if I am not able to get over this and our marriage ends it will be my fault. The reason I say this is because my W is remorseful, I know she is and she wants to make this work. Everything in our situations (besides still working with OP) points to reconciliation but it all means nothing if I can’t live with this and that’s why I feel like it would be my fault. CarolV said “I do believe that once you make the choice to stay or go - it does get easier.” Does the fact that I have doubt mean that I have not truly decided and committed to staying? I mean I do love her and I WANT to make our marriage work and be with her but I am so bothered by the A and don’t want to feel like this forever. I think my doubts are in my ability to let this go and “get over it” but I don’t doubt that I love her or want to be with her. Aaagh, I am so confused.

Anyway, I am getting way of topic. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that you truly find the happiness that you deserve!!!! Thank you for all your posts in the past. Remember, things will get better – “One of these days, it won’t be one of these days

Hi Hart,

Thanks for listening and understanding. I know for me it just never got any better. We stopped arguing over it so he thought things were getting better, but I just kept having that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I wont accept any less than the perfect (or what I thought was perfect) relationship that we had before. Now I know deep down that we will never have that again and any less to me is a slap in the face everyday with that sick feeling in my stomach and I just cant take it anymore.

The way I feel about it now, I love him more than anything in this world but my choices are, choke it back every day for the rest of my life and be miserable mourning what used to be, or get out, take some time and get over it and have at least a chance to start over.

I have to go with trying to start over, because just looking at him rips my heart out, and I cant take that anymore.

I truely hope you can be more forgiving than I. Maybe she can be trusted. He lied to me so much I question everything he tells me and that in itself is enough to stop this madness.

Good luck to you, I really hope your R works for you, dont give up, you're not ready to give up yet. Give it your all so you can be happy with yourself in that respect, and when it does work out to be better than ever for you, you will have great peace and contentment with yourself.