After almost a month now (infact today is exactly 1 month since the end of the A) since DDay, I finally get to post with a positive title!

I don't doubt that there will be more negative ones to come, but its good to enjoy this one.

The major progress seems to have come from just backing off an giving her space to come to conclusions on her own. This was really hard since I had to just go on faith (or gamble in other words) that she would come to the "right" conclusions.

We've talked a little bit about exactly what went on in the A, which is helping, but there are still huge gaps. I'm just taking comfort that we can actually start talking about it, even if only in little bite sizes.

The progress though came on the OM front. As people may remember I had given up on NC since she was adament that she wanted to remain friends with him. While she hasn't offer NC yet, she has now said that she doesn't actually think he was a good friend to her - that a real friend wouldn't have let her nearly destroy her marriage and life, just because he wanted her, so she doesn't want to stay friends. This was of course blindingly obvious to be me from the start! (I should point out that she isn't blaming the OM and was very clear to make that point herself)

I know some people will say that now is the moment to ask for NC, and I thought about it, but she already knows what I want, so I don't think beinging it up again will be productive. She hasn't had contact with him for a long time now (since posts mentioning it previously) but not as part of a permanent NC. She has also deleted (at my request) his facebook wall messages as well.

Today is her birthday so we are going out for a meal together tonight. Given that its her birthday I have told myself I'm not going to mention the elephant at all. She should get to enjoy her birthday.

Thanks all for your support through all this. I know I'll be back in tears no doubt again, but today, I'm smiling

EDIT: I meant to put this on Healing Heart instead of here, so if a mod is around could they move it? If not I don't suppose it really matters. Also edited for spelling.

 

 

Your wish is my command - Helen

Adam,

I think this is indeed progress. Happy Birthday to your W.

You should be very proud of your W, reaching that conclusion was not easy.

You also brought Helen out of hiding, something that doesn't happen often. LOL

Ami

Adam

It is good to hear from you. I was wondering how it was going. I think that it is great that you have made some progress. I know that once we had taken a few steps in the right direction it was a lot easier to relax a little.
I am glad that you were able to back off a little and let her open up to you at her own pace. She probably needed some time to sort through her thoughts and feelings to figure out what happened and what she was now going to do. You handled the situation well by not bring up the NC but also asked for her to delete the facebook messages (baby steps). I also applaud you for giving her the birthday present of dropping the elephant off at a kennel for the day so that she doesn't have to be stressed out. Hopefully she will see that and will appreciate it and that will be another stepping stone that she sees as being safe enough to step on in your road to recovery.

You are doing great. Keep your chin up!
Kelly