"Look, things weren't great for me in this M either, you weren't making me happy, but I didn't cheat on you; things are even WORSE now, and still I'm faithful. The things that were wrong with the marriage are not an excuse, otherwise we'd both have cheated!"
An affair is the act of putting your own wants and desires above your spouse's. It runs directly contrary to the vows most of us spoke to each other at our weddings. Once my wife assumed the pattern of thinking required to have an affair (i.e. it's all about me), it spilt over into everything else, other relationships, recovery, etc.
Adam, I couldn’t find the post but I think Ami ones wrote me something to explain how I or my marriage or problems within the marriage was not too blame for the A because we were both in the same marriage, dealing with the same issues and I did not choose to have an A. I actually showed my W this and she was very touched by the post. I think she realized that she couldn’t place any of the blame on me or the marriage. The A is about the WS and their issues. I know this doesn’t exactly make us feel better but at least take comfort in the fact that you did not do anything to cause this mess.
YES!!! Gotta love that they cheated and here we are, fighting and fighting, to save our marriage!! Sometimes I would get down on myself and feel silly for even trying, but then i remind myself that I am here because of my morals, my values, my committment, my outlook to see the good in all people and situations...I hope that i will NEVER let those things go...and if my M fails, at least I can feel good that I gave it everything that I got... and with the RESPECT it deserved.
