A few nights ago my H called and asked if I would mind if he stopped and had a beer with the guys after work. He went on to say that he would not stay long and would shoot a game of pool and have a drink and leave.
I have real issues with him going out and always have. Every time he was with other woman he told me he was going to have a few drinks with the guys.I don't have a huge issue with him going out if he could really go out for 1 hour and have a drink or two and come home. The area we live in now the bars are open until 4 am and some are open 24 hours. But what always ends up happening is that he "loses track of time" and before he knows it hours have gone by.
So I said ok I am trying to let him go out with out freaking out. He called me at midnight and said that he was leaving work and would not be out very late. I have a 7 month old who is teething and sleeps very little so when he woke me up at 2 am I was a little annoyed but I didn't call my H because I had told him that I would be awake and to please call me when he was headed home. I dozed a little and at 3 am I had that stomach dropping feeling and my hands were shaking and I felt dizzy and nauseous as I called him and when he answered he said that he was on his way home and that he didn't call because he thought I was probably sleeping. I was too exhausted to try to tell him how I felt and he was intoxicated so I figured it would be a waste of time to try to talk about my problem. In the morning I woke him up and told him that we needed to talk about last night and he got on the defensive and said that he was ready to talk
So I told him how I was angry for the fact that he has so little respect for me and my feelings that he can stay out drinking that long after telling me that hew would not be out very late with out calling me. Of course this made him angry and I told him how fearful I am every time that his actions don't line up with the norm and with what he tells me that he is going to do. So he tells me that I have to deal with my insequirities on my own that he can't do anything about that. That is the 3rd time that he has told me that since D-Day1. Well I finally told him that yes They were my issues and that I did need to deal with them but that they were a direct result of his cheating on me and continuing to lie and deceive me for 7 months. And that every time that he pattern changed it was because he was in contact with the other woman. And that I have good cause to panic if the pattern changes. I also told him that no I don't need to deal with them on my own since he is the cause of them. I went on to tell him that I really wanted to ask him to not go out drinking for a while until we are on better ground and a lot further from D-Day 3. And to my surprise he said okay and that he understood why I felt the need to ask that of him.
While I had him talking I asked him some other questions including if the OW called him tomorrow and begged him to forgive her for calling me that she was only trying to break us up so that they could be together and asked him to meet her somewhere would he go. He thought for a while and said no. I asked why and he said that he just didn't think that he would want to see her and I asked if he would start calling her again if she did call to say that and he also said no that he just doesn't feel like he wants to continuing talking to her either. Wow did that make me feel good. Only time will tell if NC will continue but I feel hopeful and as someone said in a post hope is all that we have now!
