FF, thanks for thinking about me. I have been busy at work, which is where I check the board, and haven't been able to post.
Things have been going good - living in denial is what I told WS yesterday when I got upset at him (I'll explain in a minute). We have been living conentedly and he has been very good to me. On Friday, I had a fender bender (no fault on my part and no injuries), I came home to flowers (first time since our first date!), coolers (he prefers beer) and ice cream!! When I originally told him about the accident, he offered to take off from work and pick me up (it wasn't necessary). He has given me foot rubs and has been pleasant to be around. We have been in seperate rooms, but it is so hot that this is a good thing, and has not stopped us from "visiting".
On Sunday, I knew he was chating with the OW because he said he was making plans for a friend to pick him up at the airport next week and he had a guilty look on his face. I knew this was going to happen (I'm no idiot) and I am trusting him when he says the trip isn't about her (his Dutch is at a point where he needs practical experience to be fluent), but it still hurt. I just went to my room and was sad. He came in and apologized, saying he didn't like to make me sad. We talked.
He wanted to know what to say to make me feel better. I told him all I wanted was for him to say that I am welcome here next year. He says he hasn't thought that far ahead (an improvement - before he couldn't wait for her to get a job here) and he coudln't imagine a life without me. I then told him that nothing has changed, I will leave in Sept. if I'm not welcome later, that I need reassurance that I will always be wanted next to him. He said that the last month ahs been the best of our marriage and pointed out that he hadn't chatted with her in the last few weeks (with the exception of that day). I was just silent and then said I wanted assurance that he wanted me for the future, not just now. He then asked if I wante dsometime to be alone (he has learned that I need time to calm down) and I said that I would probably be out later.
What was wierd was that, after, he was super attentive to me. I wanted chocolate, and he asked if he could go with me to the store (he couldn't drive because he had had a drink - he never drinks alone, but there was a lone beer in the house). He wasn't going to get himself anything, he just wanted to be with me. Later, he offered to rub my head (he never does that!) and put on tv shows he knows I like.
I think he doesn'tknow what he wants at this point. I am dreading him coming back from his trip and telling me it is over. I keep telling myself that hisgiong away could just show him how much he misses me, but the defenses aorund my heart won't let me think that for too long. ONce he is gone, it will be different - I can do alone - but the next week, before he leaves, will be tough (plus, I am jealous of his getting to go on a real trip. I wish my job gave me enough time off to do that!)
FF, I should add that the following wrench was thrown at us via WS's family. Turns ot they were posted out of Alberta to a town only 2 hours away from us. He learned of this through a family friend (who is ticked at the family now for being the one to break the news and said so). WS's mother could have shared this news by calling our home phone, which is now my cellphone number and still has both our names on the voice mail. She didn't. WS's step-father could have sent an email through work (same employer). He didn't.
Ws plans on letting them know he knows by sending them a formal picture of him in his new uniform for the job his step-father said he would never be qualified for.
WS has said before that he felt like a leftover from his mother's first marriage (she's a widow) and now I beleive him. Is it any wonder he had an A - he is not used to having anyone stick around and value him as family. He hurts me before I can hurt him. He was shocked when I didn't turn tail and run but instead stayed around. I have pointed out to him, when he said he has no family, that he is wrong - he has me for as long as he wants me. And, unlike othr family members, we chose each other.
It is weird because, despite what he has done, he has asked me to always be his next of kin (his job means we talk about what would happen if he was killed) and would want me to be the one person to remember him. In return, I would get the death benefits, which I told him only matter to me if were married, otherwise I would sign them over to whatever g/f he was with or to charity.
He removed his family from his death notification list. I am the only one left to "welcome" the hypothetical body home. I think that, even if we go our seperate ways, I will always be his wife (he has said he would never remarry - to complicated, but would never stop me).
I was happy to see your update. I was getting worried about you. Sounds like things are holding steady to progressing. Too bad about contact with OW, I would flip out myself if my H ever had contact again. Of course, I thought I'd flip out and leave if this ever happened to me, so who knows what I'd really do. Keep on truckin' Chinook.
I know what you mean about flipping out. I want to,but I also know WS well enough that this would get the opposite response from what I want (think of a stubborn child who will do the opposite of what he is told). Plus, with his new job, he will be keeping things from me and I see this whole trip as a dry run, to see if I can handle it. After all, this is a wosre case scenario.
On the plus side, the OW is showing signs of being either clueless or insensitive to his chosen career path. He told me that I could guarantee that he is going to the Commonwealth gravesites in the Netherlands alone (he is military and a large number of Canadian soldiers, who died freeing the Netherlands, her home, and fighting in WW II are buried in the country). He told her was going because his "Master Warrant would kill him if he didn't." Her response - he could not go and just say he did. WTF?!? He wants to visit the graves of countrymen who died saving her country (i.e. drove out the Germans, probably saved atleast one ancestor of hers from starvation) and she thinks he can blow it off? Does she realize he has lost two buddies in war in the last year? Does she think the military is just a job to him?
I am hoping her insenstivity knocks some sense into him. My grandfather was career military and I, too, lost a classmate in battle in the last year. He knows I always attended Remeberance Day parades (and Nov. 11 can be brutally cold in Alberta and the parades are always outside) even when the names mentioned were 2 or 3 generations old. And he knows I value and support what he has chosen to do with life. For her to say something like that, leaves me speechless.
