Hi everyone,

About three weeks ago I found out that my husband had an affair with my then best friend, Angela. He said it only progressed to kissing, but it was devestating news. I was blown away. I made him promise to have zero contact with her family and that we would seek counseling, the cost be damned.

We had a good three weeks. We both tried to be better to each other and were anticipating therapy coming up (it starts this Monday).

Unfortunately, his lies came out. My ex-best friend is still friends with my sister-in-law (she's trying to show Angela the grace of God) and confessed everything to Mindi (my SIL).


It was a full-on sexual affair. They slept together a dozen times in the 2 months they were together. Including on our bed, our kitchen, and he even screwed her in the living room while the baby and I were asleep in our bedroom. But that's not all. He also told her about two other full-on sexual affairs he had while I was pregnant. One of which was an 18 year old he only said he had an emotional affair with, but his family and I were raising hell because he was doing inappropriate things like taking her back and forth to work every day for a week when her car was broken down. I'm trying not to think of how many times they screwed before or after work on those days. I had a fibroid tumor discovered during my pregnancy so I spent a lot of time in bed and they were out in the living room watching movies. I'm trying not to think of how many times he probably screwed her at our old house while I was sleeping also.

He also had another full-on sexual affair with his former co-worker, whom his family and I gave hell to because he was in inappropriate situations with her as well, like helping her move for hours one night. She gave us the mattress in our crib and it's taking all my will power not to take it out back and burn it.

We got tested yesterday for STD's. We find out about some of them (Gonorrhea, Chylimidia, etc) on Monday, I go in for a wet mount on Tuesday to be 100% and we won't find out HIV until two weeks.

The devestation is horrible. I've decided for my baby's sake (he's almost 5 months) and the fact that I just can't not love my husband, no matter how hard I try, that I will try to fix our marraige. He is on the shortest leash ever right now and has agreed to every one of my demands.

My sisters-in-law called our close church family and told them everything. Condition 1 was that there would be no secrets. My ex best-friend was a member of our church and it was KILLING me every week to fend off people asking where her and her baby were. He is also to go directly to work and come home right after. No diversions. If he stays late he shows me his timecard as proof. He's to save all myspace messsages, all emails, all texts for me to review. Nothing is to be deleted.

I just found the ex co-worker of his still under his myspace friends and about died a little again and deleted her out (he's turned over all passwords and such to me for his accounts).

Does anyone have any advice for this type of thing? Three sexual affairs is a blow I'd never thought my life would come to. I feel like I'm in the middle of the worst lifetime movie ever. Do the images in your head fade? We're working on moving right now because I can't deal with the ghosts of the affair here.

Thanks for letting me share,
Arena

Yes, the images fade.  But they don't go completely away - we find a way to let them go when they come up.

Secondly my feeling on reading your post is that your H has to DECIDE what he wants here - Right now he is not acting married and, to me, not acting married is not being married.  But HE has to make that decision himself if it is to be true.

may you be safe and well

Arena,
I want to welcome you to Healing Hearts. I am so sorry that you had to find us.

the questions that you ask...images fade...yes they do with time...we all know what you are experiencing and the rollercoaster of emotions.

From what you have posted it sounds as if your H is willing to work on your relationship...he seems to be doing the right things in giving you passwords being accountable for his actions....I see alot of famlly involvement and that can be both good and bad...

The good is that the family is tight and involved ...support for H when he need support...and he will need supportbe in accountable for his actions...

Has your H looked into the reasons why he had the A;s...That is the key. ie ..bad judgement...selfish decision, porn addiction, addiction to sex, addiction to being Mr. wonderful for the OW...once he finds out the why he can change and move forward...the why is NOT because you didn't clean the dishes or make the bad ...the why has NOTHING to do with you...it is all about him... the most important thing to remember is that the A is not about YOU...you did nothing to cause the A

Just know that you can come vent and post any time you want and no comment is insignificant ..if you are hurting you need to let it out...

(((((hugs)))))

Pat




"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

Arena-

As I sight here typing this my H's and his latest ow's "song" just came on. Ouch!! My prayers are with you and your family as you begin this healing process. I found out about my H's 3rd A about 6wks after having a baby. The OW actually spent weeks in our home "helping" after the baby was born. I think I cried for three weeks straight. Every turn in my own home triggered some sort of memory. She was in my home playing house with my own family!!! I understand how you feel with wanting to move. We ended up moving a couple of months later.

I understand that you love your H but don't forget to love yourself too. My H is my best friend. We have known each other for half our lives and I want to be grandparents with him by my side. We are three weeks into our healing process from D-Day #4. You are good to be checing up on him. I gave my H too much benefit of the doubt. Now I am always checking.

I didn't mean to ramble. I am a mom who needs a little more adult conversation and tend to ramble ever on the computer. I just wanted to let you konw that I will be praying for you. You are ok and I pray that your H will deal with the issues in his life so that your marriage will be safe, thriving, and beautiful. There is a plan for your life.

I am so sorry for your pain. It seems that that is all I seem to be typing lately. We have had so many new people join this board lately. My heart breaks for all of us.

I remeber when it happened to me. It is so unreal. Just know that everyhting that you are feeling is normal...you have a right to feeling it. Take it a moment at a time. Easy to say, but hard to do. Believe it or not, with "time" you will be able to get through your days better.

When it happened to me, I was so full of rage. Scary, scary, rage....(not like me). Once the "reality" of what happened settled, the anger went away. There was nothing I could do to change what happened. H made a stupid choice which affected everyone, including himself.


Try to keep yourself healthy.

(((hugs)))
Jetta