I have a question and I am wondering if some of you have experienced the same kind of thing.
Ever since Dday, it seems to me that I have become an air head. I was never like that before. I often wonder if it is age (though I am not that old), or if it's the cause of the A. I seem to repeat myself when asking a question because I forget what the answer is (hmmm...makes me wonder if I have already posted this). I often call it the "Dori syndrome" from Finding Nemo. I am sometimes talking and say silly things that don't even go with what I'm saying (my students often get a kick out of it when I tell them something that I would tell my own kids...something that relates to home life things/chores).
I often forget appointment dates that I never use to do. I have my daughter tell me when her ortho appoinments are because I forget. I finds myself blaming others for misplacing items in the home only to find out it was me. In the past, I was usually right on about where things were. So I stopped blaming others. It is like my mind is lost. Sometimes it scares me.
Jetta
This message has been edited by jetta1967 on Aug 24, 2007 12:09 AM
I'm right with you on that. I think it's shock and stress and seems perfectly understandable. Even a year later, I sometimes have trouble focusing and remembering. Just another annoying side effect of the trauma of As.
I have a highly technical job, which requires a lot of focused thought. I was fairly good at remembering facts and details prior to D-day, but after it occured I found that I had no memory for details.
Over time it improved, but I'm not sure it has returned to what it was before.
I attributed this to the effects of trauma. My mind was constantly aware of the affair, and I was constantly spending mental energy to think about it, even at times when I was distracted by other things. My attention span was shortened so much that I couldn't focus on a problem for more than two or three minutes at a time. After that amount of time thoughts of the affair or an issue related to recovery would flood my mind. It was a constant struggle to keep them at bay. I think my trauma was so deep, my mind was so distracted by thoughts related to the affair, and the nature of my work combined to create this situation.
There were breaks from this. For example, one summer I undertook a major construction project at our house, and it required a lot of hard physical labor. I took a week off from work to complete it. During that week I didn't think about the affair very much. I was too busy during the days, then too tired at night.
A job like mine has so much quiet time that it's easy to allow the mind to drift to affair thoughts. Even if I'm wasn't actively thinking about the affair, I think the trauma it caused to the mind left me less able to 'pay attention'.
The good news is that is will improve. I've also heard that anti-depressents will lessen these effects, although I don't know from direct experience.
"Praise the Lord!" I am so sick of my H telling me I never listen, because I ask him to repeat himself. I hear him I just can't focus on what he is saying. It's not just him it's everyone. I will just go blank mid conversation. My mind is working on overtime. I just know a piece of my brain is constantly focused on the A. I don't have to think about it it's always there. I wonder what I could accomplish if I put this much thought into other things?
Just think if we all put the same amount of time focusing on a cure for cancer(or any other worldly issues.) as we do on ws A, this world would be a wonderous place.LOL
I think its normal too and I sometimes experience similar things. For example, I sometimes get so worried at work during the day about my W still working with OP that my worries and uncomfortable ness is almost debilitating. I find myself staring at my PC or a piece of paper. It’s almost like I space out. I also find myself in thought and either sitting at a green light or running a red one. My mind constantly filled with thoughts of the A and it haunts and follows me everywhere. I can't even enjoy a game of golf without thinking of something that upsets me. My W and I were actually taking about it last night and she said she wonders if its something that I will just always live with and think of constantly or will it go away.
It's like part of the brain is not functioning. I was described by my friends as the most organized person. Not any more. Now I forget daily things like giving my child allergy medication. I would be in the middle of something and ask myself "what am I doing?"
My creativity took a dive, too. Even if I am not actively thinking about the affair, it still affects my thoughts, my actions... So yeah I say it is normal. The question is: how to get past it? How to not get stuck in it?
I am going to have to print this thread out and show into WS to prove that I am not doing it on purpose (he keeps complaining that I don't listen and that means I don't care. LIstening - no problem. Remembering - now that's my issue) I feel so scatter brained - thank the Lord that my job allows me to write everything down as I go so I can remember what to do next. I swear my notbook has gotten more detailed in the last few months.
Yep, me too..Even though my job(Trauma ICU nurse) keeps me distracted from A related thoughts enough to keep me sane, I notice that I do have many more bouts of forgetfulness than before....sometimes I walk off to go get something, then ugg..ohh, I forgot what it was that I was going to get..Or if I start thinking about A related thoughts, when driving, than I end up missing my exits ... I was into making jewelry before..but as far as being creative, I haven't been up to it for a long time
This message has been edited by stuckinonespot on Aug 24, 2007 1:30 PM
Thanks for the response. However, I do have to say that my Dday is not too recent. It will be two years in December. I am dealing with the A a lot better as far as accepting it. I don't have moments of anger anymore. It is more like moments of the sinking heart feeling...the one where your heart does a double beat, if you know what I mean. Things will be going ok and then suddenly I remember what has happened.
It just scares me and makes me wonder if it will ever completly go away. It's like a loss of control of my mind.
Not only have I completely forgotten appointments since d-day, I also forget important dates such as birthdays and anniversaries. I was always the one who everyone else would call and ask, lol. Yep...I would say what you're going through is quite normal. But man, I tell ya...what was I thinking" Hmmm cant remember, oh yes, duh. What? Im so confused!!!!
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
Count me in. At 6 years I don't think I'm back to where I was before dday in terms of memory and I still feel "spacy" even after all this time.
I've done quite a bit of research on this over the last few years and find much research on PTDS and memory loss and emotional trauma and memory loss -- and I'd have to say this was the most emotionally traumatic thing that I've dealt with.
There's much written on the subject - here's a quick google "trauma memory loss -false" (The minus false eliminates the false memory articles that pull in childhood abuse)
From Answers.com
"Memory loss can be partial or total. Most memory loss occurs as part of the normal aging process. However, memory loss may also occur as a result of severe emotional trauma or due to brain damage following disease or physical trauma. Memory loss can be described as amnesia, forgetfulness, or impaired memory."
Jetta I can totally relate to your situation.
I am so sorry you are also dealing with all this.
I even explained it to my T that I felt dumbed down.
Many times my words come out scrambled or misplaced during general conversation.
I have to write everything down and constantly lose items in the house and have a extreme problem doing things on time.
I too experience memory lapses,lack of concentration,nightmares and bouts of depression that come on at any time.
I am also much more affected by others pain or trauma and my tears run pretty easily now.
My T said I have Post Traumatic Stress,Shock and clinical depression due to what I have been through.
I am still working on these things some of which I wonder if I will ever get back.
I couldn't even get my taxes done this year the first time I have ever missed the deadline.
So without further rambling I think what you are going through unfortunately is the by product of being the betrayed spouse.
It took me 4 yrs to get over d=day two when d-day 3 hit me in oct 2006 and I feel like I am right back at the beginning even after almost ten months from that last d-day.
Hang in there you are not alone and we will all get through this in good time.
A huge thanks to all of you. I am sad we all have been affected, but at the same time I feel blessed that I am not alone in this. I have an IC appointment tomorrow and I will discuss this with her.
