Ok - today I feel completely and totally alone. I've been alone for awhile now - but I've had a great support of friends and family around me.
Now i get the sense that everyone is growing tired of my depression, my tears, my dwelling...and of course, this is making me feel even worse about myself.
Called my mother today who told me to call my IC. Said some "tough love" words that just jabbed my heart. Like I don't feel low enough about myself already. She acted like i'm choosing to feel this depressed. More than anything I wish i could pick myself up and feel happy again! I would give anything.
I feel like I need to back off from the support of my friends and family now. I think that they no longer know what to say or do.
Don't let go of your support. I do what your doing right now. your over thinking. If they are your friends they will not tire of you. Continue to lean on the ones who love you. Turn the table. If a friend of yours was wearing your shoes, would you tire of them. I'm sorry your feeling so down.
Dear Ka,
I know how you are feeling. I also feel a lessoning of support from my family. My only connection with them is through email and lately I haven't been getting the response I have had before. My brother even said that he'd been too busy to write and that he had already said I should get my own lawyer... he did not answer any of my questions (he being a lawyer himself this was particularly saddening). I feel very alone... and I am going through the worst of the pre divorce experience. I am very sad (even though I initiated the divorce) and don't know where to put myself... I am alone except for my children... in a foreign country, far from my own family of siblings and cousins. My children are grown and don't know what I am going through yet... that is that we've decided to go ahead with the divorce.
I could scream some times and find it increasingly difficult to "put up a good front".
I wish I knew what to say to comfort you but I don't know how to comfort myself.
Try to think of the good times and dwell on that as often as you can.
Hugs, diane
The unfortunate thing is that our support team is not aware of what we are going thru, we look OK and can function...if we had been in a major car accident then they would be there for us...that they can understand and help us thru the rough times...betrayal is good for a month or two and then the thinking of people is she should get over it...the WH doesn't understand why we are not over it...he is over the A...so should we be over the hurt so many hear words like... I am tied of this conversation ...Unless someone has experienced the hurt of being betrayed they can not begin to understand the feeling we are or have experienced.
Our mind suffered a severe trauma..on D-day and then finding out all the information...and continues for a long while before the healing begins...that is why psychologist will say it takes 2 years to heal...there is no exact time frame but the 2 yr mark is a close average for many BS to begin to feel back in total control of them selves.
You are doing the good thing coming here and chatting with other BS's who are experiencing the same thing... We understand and know the trauma..
You also get all the poison out of your system by posting about all the pain you are experiencing..it helps the internal healing so much more and you know you are not alone...
Today if you have a single girl friend call her and see if you can plan to do something fun...dinner out and a funny movie...
Be honest with your mother..tell her how much her comments hurt you...you just needed her to give you a big hug over the phone....
send her to the Dear Peggy web site and let her read about A recovery, if you think that would help her understand...
Just sending you big ((((hugs))))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
