My day started at 6 am with WS telling me pretty much that I suck. After he trampled over my heart he left to go to work. I sent him a text asking him if he felt better after hurting me.
Our house is not that messy. The ony reason he was complaining is because he was tweaking from lack of drugs in his system.
He left saying I need to get a job so he can stay home and keep the home right. Yeah right on his days off(which I have never had) he sleeps. I'll leave the room for a moment and boom something will happen because he's not "here".
I'm just so sick of everything. I wish I could just go to work everyday and not have to deal with LIFE.
Laura,I am so sorry you are having a bad day and your WH is verbally abusing you like that.
You do not deserve such disrespect from your WS,remember its his fears and faults when he is lashing out at you.
Big deal if the house is messy,I doubt it is filthy just the regular mess everyhousehold gets,if he wants it more tidy you might ask him to pitch in even though you shouldn't have to ask.
Anyway just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and wish things were better for you.
Laura,
I hope tomorrow is a better day. (((HUGS)))
H and I had a talk about expectations last night. I know his expectations are unrealistic. He has told me that no matter what I do it will never be good enough. He will never be happy with the kids, the house, laundry, cooking, how I dress, not anything. He then will tell me that its not my problem but it is his, but he does nothing to change it. Even if he is really trying I can't get it out of my head that I won't be good enough. I will clean the house for hours, buy new clothes, cook the meals he likes, take care of the kids and hope they behave perfectly, starve myself one day, eat the wrong foods the next, exercise for hours. There isn't anything in my life that has any balance.
I decided today that I am tired of not living. I want to take back the control that I have given him. I want to live life fully even though my heart is breaking. I was putting my daughter to bed last night and realized that I wasn't feeling any joy in doing that. I don't want to look back in a few years and realize that I didn't enjoy my children because I was too scared to move forward. I dared myself to move. Then tonight we had an issue and he basically called me stupid and then I felt horrible. Why can't I ever do anything right. He told MC that I have a problem with anger, but he is the one who keeps yelling at me. If we can't get through a tiny little everyday problem how are we going to face bigger problems. We could have made tonights problem something to laugh about, not something to fight about. It was only a silly toilet overflowing. Life happen, get a grip. I can only imagine how our 7 year old feels since he was the one who flushed. I used to be able to handle these things. A few years ago I would have calmly said, get a grip, it's just a toilet, we don't need to make a big deal about it and we certainly don't need to make our child feel badly. When did I becaome this horrible person who can't hold it together anymore? I decided today that I was going to take my life back and by tonight I was back to the same old me.
Read Psalm 17. I read that earlier today and that seemed to help. Maybe I should go read it again. I guess I haven't been much help. I've only complained. Hang in there. I will be praying for you. Remember that you a treasured, even when the love of your life isn't treating you as such. God bless you and your family today and give you peace.
Brooke - you go girl! Take back your power. You too Sweetgrace! You give your power to these men and they stomp on it and disrespect it - well you just take it back from them. It's yours and they can't do that to it unless you let them. Don't ask me why we keep giving it to them and we watch them stomp on it over and over and over. I don't know what we're thinking. Probably that at some point things will change if we just keep trying. I think things have changed even though I let him lie and lie and lie (stomp, stomp, stomp) for 4 months. Now he's telling the truth and he doesn't get my power back. Uh Uh. I've learned. My power is mine and I will take care of it and nurture it and make it shine and glow. He can be in my life, we can have fun together, I can love him. But, he will not be given an opportunity to stomp on my power again. I am going to go live me life as I envision it. I will be the person I want to be and was meant to be. I will not be a sniveling wuss that lets him make me cry, freak out, get angry, or be bitter. That is not the person I want to be in this life.
Brooke - you envision yourself laughing at that toilet. Well, you get off your buns and walk into that bathroom and laugh hysterically but you laugh to your hearts content. And, if that bumbling husband of yours wants to yell at it he can yell at it. And, your kids will learn that you can laugh or you can yell and guess what the toilet is still overflowing and has to be cleaned up. And, I bet you anything they'll start laughing with you.
And sweetgrace - your bumbling husband needs to just take a time out if he's having drug issues and you are being patient and understanding with him while he's having those issues. and if the house isn't clean enough he can hire a house cleaner - because you are going to just be too busy to do all the detail work he requires to be happy because you are going to be living your life the way you want to! Sorry babe couldn't wipe the dust out of the corner of the window sill for the 5th time this week because I WAS AT THE SPA!
To be honest, we are being lazy and coniving and testing our husbands by handing them our power to see what they will do with it. Shame on us. Our power is our responsibility to take care of. When we let our husbands, or moms, or whoever take care of and nurture our power we are never giving our power the best opportunity to grow and thrive. Only we can do that.
You are wonderful powerful women. Take back your power. Brooke - you just forgot how and have to learn how to do it again. Don't beat yourself up for not doing it perfectly the first time. That was a bigger one for you. You don't go to the gym and try to lift a 100 pound weight and give up when you can't do it. Do you? No, you go back and start with the 5 pounder and build it up from there. Do small things for yourself first. Get to know yourself in small ways, build your strength and skill at nurturing your power. Relish in your successes and realize your failures are just learning experiences.
I'm on fire again! You guys inspire me! Your challenges remind me of mine and help me remember my mantras, beliefs, and remind me to fight for myself, my power, and my life.
Hope
Wow!! You were sent straight from heaven. I hopped on the computer first thing today and reading what you wrote, I am ready to tackle the day regardless of what is thrown my way. I will take back my power today and when I fail I will give myself grace, pick myself up and begin again. You are a great cheerleader. What would I do without your wise words? Taking a step back and reclaiming my power, taking care of and responsibility for myself will get the attention of my husband. H will see that I am going to be ok in spite of his choices. He'll see who I am and what I am and he'll remember why he fellin love with me. Letting go a little bit will cause him to draw a little bit closer to me.
Laura- How are you doing? Reclaim your power, girl. Have to go take care of little ones. God bless. -Brooke
