I get a call from the Woman's Clinic (side note - the only doctor I can find to see me is through this woman's clinic and only about sexual health. I may be going crazy, but atleast I get an annual PAP smear). They had been trying numerous times in the last few days and only left the message that they called. I finally answered my cell phone at work (I never do that) out of worry. Turns out that a test I took 6 months ago, after the A started, showed I had an infection courtesy of WS> I will be getting meds for it later today. Luckily, it can be cleared up.

Now, any tips on how to tell WS that he not only broke my heart but has also put my health at risk. It's his birthday Sat. and he wants to go on a small trip with me. I am trying very hard not to exact revenge on him by ruining this attempt at togetherness (I hope)because, after all, this isn't life threatening (thank God) and me making him feel guilty only turns back on me as he somehow points out that the OW never does this to him (no kidding - she thinks he is single and perfect).

On the plus side, since we haven't seperated in the eyes of his employer (though his former supervisor asked him straight out in case WS was going to committ fraud by claiming we were together when we weren't so he could collect benefits), I am still covered by his medical insurance in case any other surprises sho up. After all, I am still waiting for the results on the PAP smear for HPV results.

Have I mentioned he is the only man I have ever slept with. The number one reason was that I never wanted to deal with this exact problem. Bastard!!

Chinook

I think you are going to have to tell him you have a STD...he may also need meds...

Chinook the OW may have already told him she had the STD...and he may have already taken meds but failed to inform you.

My H got a STD and had to tell me ...that was my first D-day 20 plus yrs ago, thank goodness it wasn't a bad one....

The good news is that meds work.

(((hugs))

Pat





"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

Well, and here's an interesting notion: You really do need to tell your H because he needs treatment himself. Though its true that maybe he and OW already have faced this together, the other very real possibility exists that neither he nor OW were aware of this "issue". He really needs to tell her, too. And does this potentially mean she's been sleeping with one or more other men besides your H? I'd find some way of planting that nugget for him to mull over if it were me.

Chinook, sweet woman, you have endured so much. I wish there was a way to rescue you from this nightmare. I'm so sorry that injury has been added to insult (but am hugely relieved that the medical issue is treatable)/ ((hugs)) BlueIris

"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."

Here is the irony - I asked him, when he first told me about the A, if he and she were both clean. Because he is military, the docs test him yearly (when they do their annual med. checks) and he said he was okay. When I asked him about her, he said "she wasn't like that." So, we had this conversation back when I would have been infected (Test was 6 months ago. There is a reason I hate this province's medical system). He told me there were no worries.

This is not a conversation I want to have because, somehow, someway, this will end up being my fault because "little miss perfect happiness and light" isn't to blame, right? He is too deep into the fog - he knows what he is doing is wrong but won't stop, regardless of what it does to me (despite the fact he says he still loves me and can't imagine a life without me in it). As he put it, he's "not ready to end it just yet."



Chinook

Chinook,

I am so sorry. IMFO, you need to tell your H. You don't have to be accusatory or angry, just calmly tell him that you got the results of your tests and what the results were. It will be up to him to choose how he handles the news. You do not have to accept bad behavior or abusive talk from him. If he starts blaming you in any way, leave the room. Tell him that you will not accept his talking that way to you. Show him your dignity (which you have and which I admire you for).

He knows that he can only sit on that pointy fence for so long. Eventually he will have to climb down. Perhaps this news, delivered in a calm way, might have more impact on him than you will know at the time of delivery.

Gentle fairy hugs,

fairyfriend

<<When I asked him about her, he said "she wasn't like that." So, we had this conversation back when I would have been infected (Test was 6 months ago. There is a reason I hate this province's medical system). He told me there were no worries.>>

Oh, my gawd! This is word for word the exact same thing my WH said to me when I inisted he get tested. Is this part of the script or what?

I am so sorry for the added pain your WH has caused you
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))). But I agree...you need to tell him and the rest is up to him. He caused this, please remember that! Do not accpet blame for something that wasn't your fault.


~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

They are all "not like that". That is the craziest notion in the world.

You don't have to be any way to get an STD. You could be a doctor, a lawyer, female, male, aboriginal, chinese, african american or caucasian. You could have only had 1 partner, or had 1000 partners. STD's aren't picky.

I know. I had sex with my exH assuming that we were married and only having sex with each other. What I didn't know was that he was screwing the OW who had herpes at the same time. Shortly after finding out about the affair I discovered I had herpes. He claimed it couldn't have come from her since "she isn't like that". He went and got tested the same day and surprise surprise he had it to.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but try to look on the bright side, you take some meds and your better. Unfortunately mine is a cross I will have to bare forever. At least it wasn't something worse....

K