D-day anniversary coming up in october(17ish)I feel so tired...I still have more thoughts of leaving than staying in the M....H is home full time these days, for the last month and a half, we decided that he wouldn't look for the next job until he finished getting the new siding up on the house( he is doing it himself with help), the old siding was crumbling already. I'm glad that he is working to make the house better, but at the end of each day, when he is finished, and I've come in from work(about 7 or 8ish), we barely speak..I start talking to him, general non A conversation, he closes his eyes in my midsentence, or tells me to do whatever I want. By this time of the day, every day, he has finished almost a pint of rum(drinking it mixed with soda or juice, and drinking it throughout the day while working)...He hasn't done anything yet to try to understand what made him choose to cheat.. In discussions we have about the A, he always comes to the conclusion of blaming the things he feels are wrong in the M, that drove him to cheat. I feel like he is just waiting for things to " cool down or blow over" without any real hard work on his part. I wish I knew what was making me put off leaving him, or asking him to leave..30 year old marriage..I keep hoping..It is hard to let go....

Oh ((((((Stuck))))))),
I've so been there. You want to see a glimmer of understanding that will turn into a deluge of self recrmination for what he has done. You wait for him to initiate a conversation showing empathy and a desire to comfort you. You wait, wait, wait... and nothing. I also am in a 37 year old M which will soon come to an end. I hate that my future will be alone. I hate that my life has changed completely (or will shortly).
I have told H what I need: some introspection, IC for him, somehow I've been hoping for a change in attitude/heart that I now know is impossible for him.
It's sad, I'm sad, but I'm going ahead with the divorce. I have to believe that I have enough inner strength to build a new life for myself. Now, I just have to get through the divorce in one piece.
So sad that my life has turned out this way... never in my wildest dreams did I think H would cheat on me and never in my wildest dream would I believe that I'd be alone at 59... facing the unknown alone.


Diane

(((((Diane))
I hope everthing works out for you so that you will end up much happier...let me know what happens...and vent..Let me know when you are in chat...I would like to chat with the people here, they are so understanding, but I haven't had a chance, I think am picking off hours, because the rooms are usualy empty at the times I sign in..

Thanks, Stuck,
I appreciate your concern and empathy. I hope I'll be able to meet you in chat sometime. I live in Israel so the time difference makes it problematic as far as chats go. However I'm hopeful that at some point we will connect there.
Please take care of yourself and know that I understand what you are going through. Hopefully, for you, things will get better.


Diane