We have our first marriage counseling appointment tomorrow...and I am SO nervous. I wish I knew what to expect. I am just so tired. Tired...physically, emotionally...just tired. He is doing absolutely everything that he can to help me...and I just need some space.

It helps that I know he is absolutely telling the truth and is upfront...OW sent me EVERYTHING and told me that he had told me lies. Thankfully, the emails (as hurtful as they were to read) backed him up.

I just feel stuck. We are Catholic...and I just feel like I am in limbo with my marriage, my faith...I just don't know.

~Laura

Hey, Laura. I'm sorry to hear all the pain you're currently in. That level of emotional exhaustion you're describing is torturous.

As for MC, its a wonderful thing that you are going. Try not to be too nervous. The first appointment isn't going to have any magic answers and will be spent just sort of giving the therapist a readers digest version of what happened (hard to do without losing it emotionally, but that's why they keep boxes of kleenex ready and waiting). It actually can be an interesting opportunity to hear what your H's read is on everything. I wish I had let my H take the floor more in the beginning, but that's come with time.

Also, don't be afraid to ask the therapist questions about what to expect from their sessions. Ask what their experience is with infidelity and affair recovery. Its important you have a good "fit" with your counselor. Initially, I expected I'd have someone that would be backing me up and taking my side in how bad/wrong H had been in having an A. Our MC is not a sides taker and it took a while for me to really hear everything she had to say, because there were things I would get defensive about.

More than anything, I am so very grateful to the MC/IC process. It has made a huge difference in our recovery and our ability to grow as a couple and to heal as individuals.

Laura, I'm not sure if you've looked into anything medically to help you with the anxiety and exhaustion. I, for many reasons, have been unwilling to go the route of standard meds. But I have found very substantive help in herbal remedies. Like anything else, its very important to do the research on whatever you decide to put into your system, but at specific points where recovery was just too hard, herbal remedies helped get me through what was happening to me physically.

Let us know how the session goes. The appointment may likely simultaneously feel as if its lasting a long time and that it has flown by. Try to breathe. (hugs) Good luck, Laura. BlueIris

"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."

It is only natural to be nervous. Take a deep breathe (square breathing really helps me with nervousness) and let the C lead the way. Don't expect an epiphany but take it one baby step at a time. This is what he/she is trained to do and he/she does best. If either one of you are really uncomfortable with C, find another, but do not give up. A good C is worth a MegaMillions Record Setting Jackpot. In the end you will have a healthier marriage, stronger bond, and deeper love.


God will only challenge us with that which he believes we can bear. He has a reason for everything that happens in our lives. It may not be clearly evident right now, but there is a purpose. Keep your faith and trust in God and rebuild your faith and trust with your H.

((((())))

Laura

It is nerve racking not knowing what to expect. As the others have said you will most likely spend the first session giving a recap of the situation. We went through 3 MC and all 3 wanted to see us seperately before our 2nd MC session.

One thing you definately need to ask about is their experience in working with infidelity. Our first 2 MCs were obviously inexperienced in this area. When I called the 3rd MC I asked over the phone before the appointment. A good MC will also not take sides. Which at first is hard to understand and accpet as the betrayed.

Good Luck and keep us updated.

Lisa

I didn't think I could get any more nervous about this! I know that we need to do this...and I know that it will help. I just don't want to relive all of this again. The rational part of me knows that we will not get into everything today...but then the other 98% of my brain pipes in!

I talked to WS last night...he made a comment that he will most likely let me do most of the talking to start with. WRONG! Needless to say...I set him straight pretty quickly. He was surprised that I wanted him to do the talking...why is that?

~Laura

Laura,
My H said almost the same thing before our MC. He said that because he was the one in the wrong that I should be able to go into MC and "complain" about him. We have been in MC for about a year and he is just now getting to the point where he can bring up issues that he has with our marriage. He has been involved with MC very early on but wouldn't say anything negative about me or bring up any issues he thought were problems. He has to own the infidelity. That is his and he has to own it, but there are other issues in our marriage. He has to have the freedom to bring them up so we can work through them. Every marriage has them. I will be praying for you. Take care and God bless. -Brooke

((((Laura))))
Going to counseling will be one of the best things that you can do in this stage of recovery. It will seem difficult or awkward at first, but down the road, with a good counselor, it will get easier to think of things about yourself and the M that you want to share.The more you can share with C, the better..My IC was the person that made me realize that I'm not going crazy... Try to do some fun or relaxing things for yourself to get some space ...
Lisa