I finally made the decision to go to MC. We go tomorrow at 10:30am and I'm nervous. It's a woman I saw about a year and a half ago for IC. It's not really that I'm to the point of wanting to work it out, but that I need some help deciding whether it's worth it to try to work it out. I'm still very skeptical of H (as would be expected I guess). But it's not just because of the A or EA or whatever it was. It's the lying that he seems to do habitually. Even after I confronted him about the whole OW situation and he'd said he would be open and honest from then on , I heard him say something that didn't sound right one night, did some checking with another person and discovered he had told me an out-right story about where he'd eaten dinner one night when I was out of town. This, of course, made me right away suspect an OW. When I finally confronted him about it he at first tried to play dumb then finally admitted that he and a friend had gone to Hooters to eat and he thought I would be mad about it. The pathetic thing about it is that I hadn't even ASKED him where those left-overs in the fridge had come from when I saw them--I assumed he had eaten out. He took it upon himself to start telling me that MY AUNT AND UNCLE had given him some leftovers they had from somewhere. He had even put the food in one of our containers from home--to make it more believeable I guess! He's just so damn sneaky about things and has the gall to involve MY relatives in his lies! It seems to be his way of dealing with any kind of problem as well as getting to do what he wants. I just don't know if I'll ever trust in him. Or if I should. But I feel for some reason like I should get a second opinion or something HA! Anyway, just felt like sharing tonight. I havn't been here in a while, but I just don't really have much of anyone else to share my misery with. Thanks for "listening." I hope that some of you are finding your way to a happier relationship with your WS's.
Thanks!
K

((K))
Going to MC with a good counselor is very positive if you both want to do it, a renewal of hope that things can change if they are worked on..mine made me feel like I was a normal human..not a crazy one...
Take care
Lisa

Lisa, thank you for your reply. We went to MC this morning. I have to say it feels kind of weird sitting there talking about the things your H has done right there in front of him. But he knows they are true and he sat looking uncomfortable as I gave the details. And, yes, it is nice to feel understood rather than crazy as you delve through this mess of deception. H told the C that he definitely felt our M was worth saving. I told her that I just didn't know yet.
A big part of our troubles remains to be H's immaturity, even at the age of 39. The C got to see some of that pretty quickly today. H was talking about why he had been such a poor father when our twins were born. He said that it had been such a shock and he didn't know how to deal with it. He also mentioned how he had been working on a race car for several years leading up to their birth and how he thought he wasn't going to get to race it because of their arrival. He told her "That's just how guys feel about things like that." The C asked him at what age he thought a guy would be disappointed about having to give up a race car because he'd had children. H didn't know where she was going with this at first. He said "I don't know--a guy my age--any guy!" She responded "Probably a teenage boy would feel that way." She said "A mature 35 year old man would have been excited about the arrival of a child and been able to put the car aside for a while." I guess this sounds bad but I was elated to know that someone else was seeing my point of view. And most of all, that someone besides me was telling him that he had been selfish and immature.
H still maintains that there was no relationship beyond friendship between he and OW.
Anyhoo, I've rambled on enough. We are going back next Monday. I guess we'll see where this leads. I'm kind of relieved that a path has been chosen because we have just "existed" in this M for too long already.
Hugs to everyone!

K

Sounds like things went well in MC. I hope it helps you make a decision

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Thanks Cal! I hope so too. I've been living in limbo too long. Time to "get off the fence" myself and figure out which side I'm going to be living on!
How have you been?

K

I've been better, lol. Thanks for asking.

I really hope MC helps the two of you. Maybe you will peace in all of this...I hope so. Keep us updated, OK?

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Thanks Cal. I'm hoping that talking about these issues with an unbiased third person will help make things clearer--at least for me if not for H.
And I hope that you will find peace as well, Cal. ((HUGS))

K