Wow, it's been so long since I've been here! You may not remember my story. Well, it's about the same as yours. My husband had an affair for 3 months. It started in Nov. '05. He moved out after 2 months and moved back home after being gone 1 month. The first 2 months he lied to me...working late, business trips, etc. The second he moved back home, I knew he was sincere about making our marriage work. But, being so fresh, it was extremely hard! I never knew if he was telling me the truth about where he was & if he did or didn't run into the OW. I really wondered what I was still doing with him! Most of the time, I still felt trapped in our marriage because I didn't work & I had two young boys at home. He has been so amazing and I know that I am so blessed that he came to his senses! I am happy to say that we have been working on our marriage since February of 2006.

Of course, it's not perfect. I wonder if I will ever trust him 100%. I'm sure I won't. I think my biggest problem is all the triggers! I still have SO MANY triggers! Last spring we went to one of his co-workers wedding reception & someone the OW worked with sat at our table. She mentioned to my husband and another co-worker that the OW was no longer working at the hospital. She went on & on about how wonderful the OW was & they hated to lose her. I, of course, nearly burst into tears...wanting to let this woman know that this wonderful person she was talking about was a homewrecking whore! But, I composed myself & walked outside for a bit to get it together.

During the summer, he had to travel out of state to the place where he took the OW at Christmas '05. He didn't want to go unless I went with him. I can't even begin to tell you how hard that was. To go somewhere he took her when he was lying to me. It was devastating! But, I sucked it up & we took the boys. I think it actually helped me to be there. I could see how embarrassing and painful it was for him to take us there. We enjoyed every minute!

I guess the biggest trigger is hearing her name...Not that anyone is refering to the OW. Just that I hear her name. A friend was giving me directions to his house the other day and low & behold, his street name was HER name! LOL I hear it in songs & on TV! I never noticed that name EVERYWHERE before!

I'm happy to say that I don't think about it everyday anymore. We're back to making future plans of 'when we're old....'.

When I was here before...in the midst of it all, everyone said 'time would heal'. I thought you guys were crazy! But, come to find out...you're pretty smart people & you helped me through, hopefully, one of the hardest times of my life.

Thank You all so much!
Luv~Carrie

I have to correct something....When I said I could see how embarrassing & painful it was for him on our trip...I didn't mean that we enjoyed seeing him that way. I meant that, I knew it was hard for him & we made the trip very enjoyable one.

Just wanted to clear that up

Dear Carrie, Thank you so much for sharing your success story! It is always uplifting to hear that someone has made it through to the other side of reconciliation. We're all banking so much on the promise and hope of that possibility. Its great to know that you are another example of healing personified!

As for the triggers, I think most (if not all) of us understand that there may always be some "scarring" or occasional remembrance of this horrible chapter. However, it sounds like you have been able to tackle the triggers instead of them tackling you. Bravo.

Again, thanks for sharing. BlueIris

"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."

Dear Carrie,

Thank you for sharing your joy...it warms my heart to know that with time and work that marriage can be happy again.

Best wishes and hugs to you.

Thank you Carrie

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

At the two year point I got a big angry about the time from my life that hand been "robbed" but I started feeling better and the triggers were weakening.

Year 3 was good... I started getting my life back. That had been a goal and at first I did not enjoy the old activities as much as I once did, but forced myself into them... in time the pleasure returned just as I had remembered.

I wish a good year 3 for you too

-Susan