Ladies,

How are you both doing?

Just wondering.

ff

Thanks for asking. I'm surviving. WS is gone on course for 3 months starting Sunday (home for 3 weeks in December) but promises to be back for my birthday next week. This is the first time he has been on course in the same province. He is only 3 hours away and is convinced they won't restrict them on base on weekends. I will be shocked if they let him go, but then I am cynical when it comes to military planning.

Yes, that does mean he is away when the deadline passes in 23 days. But, I will not let it go by without a decision (but I might wait until the following weekend). On the plus side, I will be able to straight out ask him - do you want me to be here when you come home?

On the plus side, we have been getting along better. No fighting and even spending time together going to the mall or on a road trip to his old hometown to see the leaves change colour (where his parents have sinced move. No, we didn't see them but we did keep an eye out for them). He has been having a social life and going out to meet buddies. He often takes DVD's (war movies - if it is a g/f, she has strange taste) and always makes sure to spend time with me before he goes. As he puts it, when he spends time away from me, he appreciates the time with me more. I have learned not to ask (I realized that there was no answer that would make me happy) but I also talk about the future, i.e. Christmas plans, in the context of "if I'm here."

He has been telling me he loves me and been known to give me a random hug. If we stay together, I think it will be a long road back to intimacy of any kind.


Chinook

Hi FF - thanks for thinking about me. I'm ok. It's hard to even express my thoughts right now. I'm tired, drained, emotionally spent.

H and I are getting closer to making some decisions regarding our future. I find it to be a slow and tedious process. I wish i could look into a crystal ball and see my future. And I pray that it would be one with happiness and no regrets.

Hope you are well. Ka

Ka, I'm with you. I would give anything for a crystal ball to let me know how any decision would work out. The hardest thing for me right now is the unknown - I'm at a point that I could live with any type of future as long as I knew what it was. It is the unknown that is causing my sleepless nights.

Chinook

Chinook,

I think one good adage to follow is "Plan for the worst and hope for the best." Take care of YOU. Plan as though your M might not work out but know that you CAN be ok. If your M heals (and we certainly hope it does!), you will have made progress in your own individual healing and not just waited on your H to make a decision.

I hope that makes sense!

Encouraging fairy hugs,

ff

FF - that's is exactly what I am doing. If it fails, then I know what I will do. But, at the same time, I am leaving the door open for success. I just wish I knew if success was possible.

Chinook

Chinook - i absolutely agree with you - i just want some idea of what my future holds. I wish that my M could survive this and grow stronger but I am now ready to face the reality that it may not.

I just want to live my life again -- and feel like I am pursuing some type of future for myself.

Ami gave me this great analogy about being a train moving towards my happiness -- and that it takes a while for trains to accelerate...that my H still had a chance to jump on board...but there would come a time when my train would be moving too fast and he will have missed his opportunity.

I've been trying to move towards my own happiness -- but i am discovering that my H, while still in my life and still uncommitted, prevents me from really moving progressively like i should be. Everytime we get together -- and he leaves, still uncommited and unsure -- its like another dagger to my heart.

See, my H is here, but not really. Its like he's choosing when to act like a H, and when he doesn't feel like, he doesn't. How convenient for him. And how torturous for me.

I'm not sure how much longer i can stand being in this place