My marriage has been unhappy for years. My H took me for granted and didn't treat me very well. So now I am trying to deal with his A and all of the resentment that has built up in me for years. And I don't know how to deal with my resentment so that it doesn't stand in the way of our R.

This time last year my H was in love with another woman and everyday that passed he pulled away from our family more and more. I knew something was going on and had asked him what was going on a few times but always got nothing out of him. I have been very depressed and stressed out too. My parents are coming in for Thanksgiving and will get here the day I found OW's name on the call log of H's cell, the day before my entire world turned upside down. And I am scared of how I am going to cope with having family in my house on that horrible day.

My H keeps telling me not to look ahead and start worrying about those days now to just focus on the here and now. And he also tells me that he is sorry for what he did to me and our family last year but that he is here now, but I can't seem to get that to block out the anxiety and horrible memories. Any suggestions of how to cope with the holidays, my parents, and the 1st anniversary of D-day 1??

I really need some feed back to help calm my frazzled nerves.
Thank you,
Kelly

((((((HUGS)))))I have a little story to tell you. right after d-day my mom was scheduled to come and visit. Of course I didn't want her to know what was going on in my marriage so the mask came on. Oh how hard this was to keep up the image of a happy marriage. And at the same time we were finding out that I was prego with the twins. Let me tell you I should win some sort of award for the act I put on.
I don't know if you have let your mom in on your "secret" if not I know you have your reason's. Maybe like me you don't want her to look down on your choices. Don't want her to think of your wh that way. If this is the case, You are going to have a hard holiday season. I think ten years of my life was sucked out of me by the stress of trying to fake my life for my mom. Depending on your relationship with your mom you may want to give her a part of what your going through. I know I will never give that to my family. It's become mine and I own it. If that makes any sense. I'm sorry you have to deal with family at a time I know you just want for yourself, but in a way maybe having your mind on other things may help out. I'm sorry I'm not good on the advise angel, I just know how much I lost by hiding and not opening up. I will be thinking of you and I pray you wil find the right choice to make.
love and God Bless Laura

I am so sorry that you are feeling anxious but totally understand. All kinds of markers are very hard to go through the first time post D Day so please don't put so much pressure on yourself to be normal.
I tried to think of D Days as a celebration of our new marriage. It does sound like your H is remorseful and there for you so there is something to celebrate. I also have so many horrible memories to suppress from the seven years of H's betrayal that I want to create new ones that are happy and honest.
Still, the thoughts of the past are bound to escape no matter how hard you try to live in the present. I told my H that it was impossible for me not to mourn the past and that his asking me to forget it was not reasonable. I told him that when I got sad, I would tell him and that he should hold me and tell me he loved me and reassure me of his commitment to our M.
I also found that distractions really helped - movies, manicures, pedicures, yoga class, meeting friends, shopping, walking around, even showers...anything that kept me occupied.
So, my advice is to think about what your H can do to help you through the bad moments and ask him to do those things. Then, think about what you can do to help yourself and try to do those things too.

Kelly,

I hear the resentment and understand where you are at.

I am with your H concentrate on his actions right now...how is he different today than he was last year?
I had my MC say that to me many times. work on the NOW...if all is good now then it is good, tomorrow is another day and we can not control tomorrow...it is this minute that counts.

I will suggest that you read the book the NOW by E. TOLLE I think that is correct.. will look for my book to check spelling...other book is THE PRESENT...don't know the author .

I too worried about anniversaries and they are not that important...the reality is your H is with YOU and he is trying to be there for you.

Your H had a choice you or the OW ...he chose you again...those were the things that kept me sane the first year.
Have your parents babysit and you and your H go out and claim the day as yours..it is all small steps...when in doubt I asked for a hug from my H, that helped so much when feeling doubts, being scared..

keep calm we are here .

(((hugs)))

Pat






"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."