We had another discussion about our M( nothing resolved or cleared up)..The issue of honesty, and H's laptop being protected by passwords came up..He refused to let me know the password, his reason being fear that I would corrupt his laptop with junk, and ruin it, by installing spyware in it..He said that he won't change his mind about not letting me into his computer to see what is there.. On the other hand, when I get on my computer for part of the day, I am usually out in the living room on it, and when I'm not on my lap top, it is in an easily seen, reachable place. It is not protected by passwords. I have told H that he can browse thru my computer any time, whether I'm there or not, that I didn't care, as long as he wasn't rough with it.
H tells me that he feels like he is doing everything he can to keep from losing me, and that I don't have a reason to continue to be " punishing him", or to be"taking everything out on him" by not having sex with him at this point in our M.

M just sending you big (((Hugs)))

Not at all sure what I would do...but I don't know if I could live with the doubt that would form in my mind when you don't have total transparency following an A.

His actions are telling you that he isn't transparent... Have you discussed this with a MC if you see one?

Pat

"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."

((((((((((hugs))))))))))) the truth is he is not doing EVERYTHING to keep from losing you. You told him what you needed but his privacy is more important. What does that tell you besides "he doesnt get it"? He is still being deceitful and the willingness to be deceitful hasnt changed and why is that? Because he still wants to do what he wants to do without consequences, and obviously is still doing it or he would give you the password. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing!

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

This certainly rang a bell. My H did the same thing. The first time, the protestations about privacy were to conceal the fact that he was still in contact with the OW. I learned this later, after a ridiculous amount of sleuthing and computer espionage, but the "bluster" was a definite red flag. If things are okay, if they're on the up and up, why is he giving me trouble on this point, I thought.

It's true: those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. I quoted that back to the H, back when he was in the fog, and it infuriated him.

The business about him being afraid that you will hurt his computer sounds (in my opinion) a bit transparent... like he's grasping and trying to turn it around on you. More smokescreen. Unless, of course, you've tried to destroy his property before. Will he log on in your presence, perhaps, without giving you the password, but letting you have a look with him there? I can hazard a guess that he will protest that is more "controlling" from you.

Hang in there! I hope things get better.

- Tal

"There's a difference between secrecy -- hiding significant information -- and privacy, which is our right to maintain an existence that isn't constantly orbiting around our mate. Secrecy devastates relationships, but privacy enhances them, because it distinguishes us." -- Susie Bright