Panic sets in, I begin to shake uncontrollably, is this real, am I just crazy to think this. Gut renches, and dry heaves start. Here I am franticly search his pants his phone the computer, digging through his work stuff. Trying to find anything that will condem him more. Why am I here again.
I'm here because H has lied again. He left work early, didn't tell me. I tried calling twice to get no answer. Then he finally calls and says he had to walk to get the truck from other company. It took him to long to get home we only live 6mins from his work, so he explained it-he had to get gas. This was 10:15 at night. This didn't set well with me, red flags everywhere. Found recipt for gas, the time on it was 8:00.
HELP
I know exactly what you are feeling. (((((Laura))))) Virtual hugs seem so insufficient right now, I only wish there were something I could say or do to make it better for you.
I just sent my H an email he will recieve in the morning. Yes I was selfish I bit my tongue and let my kids have fun with dad today without bringing out my anger. I did approach him about having a ladies name written in his phone long differently. Smith A. WTF is that. I called the number found out who it was and gave him the chance to tell me the truth. He said I have no idea who smith a is. Then I acted like I called the number(only because I already had called). I told him who's number it was and he was like, I don't remember putting her number in I 'm totally confussed why would I write her name in as smith a/ HUMMM let see I wonder.
Ok I've been down this road once already, I am not crazy nor am I stupid. The email I sent just tells him I know he's lying to me and thats ok if that's the relationship he wishes to have then game on. He will no longer have a devoted wife at home toting on him hand and foot. I pretty much told him I can't stop your actions so be happy indulging. You will reap you rewards in the end. Oh I also told him if he wishes to have sex with me he will use a condom.
Ok what the hell is wrong with me it's like really late and I realized his t-shirts weren't washed. So here I am waiting to put them in the dryer. "WTF" I am screaming silently. Oh my gosh iF only someone cared so much about me to make sure I had clean t-shirts even after I totally **** on them.
I will never allow myself to fail in his eyes. How do I make my point if I have to continue to apease him. HELP!!!HELP!!!HELP ME FIND MY BRAIN!!!!
Thank you Chris somehow even though I have know Idea who you are or what your about other than you situation here. You have lifted my heart and made it smile for a moment. Thank you for your caring words.
LOVE and GOD BLESS
Laura
No Laura, you are not crazy...it certainly does sound like he is lying to you. You’re email was a step in the right direction...but I think you should carry it a step farther. You said “I will never allow myself to fail in his eyes. How do I make my point if I have to continue to appease him.” You don’t have to continue to appease him and allow him to walk all over you. HE is failing YOU!! It seems to me that you are allowing yourself to believe that YOU are the problem, that you or something you are doing, or not doing are the reasons he is lying and cheating; HE is the one with the problem. You shouldn’t be the one bending over backwards to appease him. He’s the one who screwed up...he's the one that should be doing the appeasing!! Set down YOUR requirements for him to stay in the M. You need to tell him exactly what YOUR expectations are...and then stick to them.
My heart goes out to you. It's easy to feel that if you make too many demands, the M will end. I feel just the opposite is true. If you demand nothing, that is exactly what you will get. I know it’s hard, but be strong, Laura.
I totally understand what u r going through.
I do not know if I will ever totally trust my h again. So many lies...to be honest even valid excuses often give me a sick feeling.
I am always picking things apart...searching for something...a clue...no matter how small.
Sometimes I wonder if I am going crazy??
I ignored my inner voice for many years...
Listen to yours...
Take care
Ugh, Laura. I so feel your pain and stress. Your posting made me remember the panicky feeling - searching through pants pockets, coat pockets, smelling clothes, wondering if what I'm hearing is another lie....
and it turned out that my suspicions were always correct. I never really bought into that "gut" feeling thing before his A, but I totally do now! Because when the A was truly OVER; there was my TRUE H in place again. I truly remorseful - open - H. So different. Night and day. It's such a relief NOT to wonder/worry/suspect now. It's wonderful to hear him apologize for his behaviors, and to have him look at me and talk about what an idiot he was. How it panics him NOW to think that if I weren't strong enough, we would not be together. He thanks me for my strength and patience every day.
Things are good now. 10+ months after his 3 year A. (and 3 ddays)
I hope you get that raw honesty. I hope your H can do it for you and the M.
Peace is not just the absence of war; it's an exercise in compassion. -Dalai Lama
Coming to you from JJ
Sounds like another d-day (((((((((((((hugs))))))))...Im sorry you are going through this.
I know this is painful but you have to put your foot down...sex, even with a condom? Why? A's are not only about sex...having sex with him is not going to keep him from cheating, whether it is an EA or a PA. If you continue to have sex with him it is yet another consequence of his actions he will not have to face. I know...I too craved my WH's affections and I thought continuing to have sex with him would do that. But it didnt. I only hurt myself and it did not help him face what he had done. Yes, the fact that I made my WH wear a condom too until after the STD tests came back did help...but only briefly...he got used to it and it became pretty much a nonissue for him....afterall he was still getting it. For awhile there I even had to tell him NO SEX at all cause he didnt want to get the test. A week or two without getting any he complied. This was a boundary for me....meant to protect ME! How dare he endanger my life by sleeping with someone else without protection and without my knowledge. And of course there is the breaking of the vows by doing so. Why should I perform my wifely duties after he broke our vows (although I never looked at making love that way before)? You have to really think about how you want to handle this. Do what is best for YOU, uphold your boundarioes once you set them, and dont worry whether is is best for your WH...obviously he is not thinking about what is best for you.
Laura...be strong...be true to yourself...be kind to yourself...and take care of YOU. We are all here for you.
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
