Pat, you read my mind!!!! These two have been very much on my mind! Also, Adam: where are you? How are you? So many good folks that I'm hoping are doing well. Please let us know how you are. ((hugs)) BlueIris
"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."
How fitting that i was on your minds -- my M is over. I left the house tonight and told my H to pack his bag and leave. Of course, he left bits and pieces of his things around the house because he's manipulative.
I feel numb -- but i do know that i can't do this anymore. My H is not the man I fell in love with and married. I look into his eyes and see this void. I don't know who he is.
He moved home for 3 weeks to sleep on the couch, eat my food, watch my tv -- go to coffee with me, make some dinners - and then tell me that his heart isn't here and that he needs to leave - AGAIN.
How much can a person take? I am young, I have so much life to live - and my H is DESTROYING me. Its time to accept that this M needs to end before I become a shadow of myself.
I love him - I have loved him throughout this whole mess - but i have to face that he does not deserve my love and my devotion. He has been using me. I feel so sick right now
Ka, you may be young, but you sound so wise. Find your path and take it - run with it! Look at your time with your H as a growing time, but now the time is over. Remember the saying: When one door closes, another one opens.
It's even okay to love your H and still move on. Each day will bring you more and more strength...until one day, that new door opens...
Peace is not just the absence of war; it's an exercise in compassion. -Dalai Lama
Coming to you from JJ
You have come so far...Right now you will need to morn the loss of your marriage...the man you love.
You made big steps in your healing during the past few months...continue on your path..
You have grown, unfortunately your H has not...the selfishness that he allowed himself to have the A is still present..and he is stuck in that selfish mode...
KA you did all you could to save your marriage...You should never have any regrets ...you did all you could.
Hugs,
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
My soul sister, we seem to have so much in common.
The end of your M is not your fault, you have given it your all and even at the end of this road you still love him. That is a great testament to your capability to love and to forgive and it makes you a GREAT person.
Continue to grow in yourself and know that you have a bright and wonderful future ahead of you. You are deserving of your own love and kindness.
Do not consider this the end of your story, just the end of a short chapter of it. You know that you can survive on your own, you have done so for many months now. As you heal you will begin to live again. As you heal you will find happiness again.
We are here for you and you start your next, exciting, chapter of your life. I am here for you anytime you feel down or blue, for there will be days, and also for those times when you are just bursting with joy that you will need share. Just e-mail me and I will come running.
I am still with WH and am being treated for another STD as a result (atleast he actually cried when he told me this weekend). Seems like he can't even be faithful to the OW (who is definitealy moving here in the spring but WS can't decided who he wants and is freaking out because he may actually get what he wants and now doesn't know if he really wants it).
Why am I still here. I don't want to spend Christmas with my family as they are all coupled up and celebraitng the first Christmas of my nephew - too many happy people would kill me. So, I stay here, waiting for a trip to Alberta in January (parents bought me a ticket) where either a) I will break it to them that I need help finding a place to stay out there or b)have a blast because I know I have ahome in Ottawa to return to.
I am also staying because I have cheap rent ($300/month plus food) and a full-time job with benefits for as long as I want it. I have made a huge dent in my credit line debt, which means I have room to borrow money for my move and cover expenses until I get on my feet again.
Also, as much as I hate what WS has done to me, he is still a good friend. He has echoed my thoughts about how we have fun just hanging out and being friends (he wavers between wanting exstatic but short term happiness with OW - he knows she will be out of his life within a year or two - or longterm companionship and contentment with me - because he knows I will never talk to him again if we split and that means he will lose me as a friend), so I am approaching the holiday as better than spending it reminded of what a loser I am by being the only one alone for it.
On the plus side, his mother finally contacted him this weekend after no contact for 9 months and moving to 4 horus away from where we live and not bothering to tell us (to me, this is what you do if you want to severe contact). It felt good to tell her off (she called my number as WS has an unlisted one) for being a crappy mother (long story) but I did apologize after WS talked to her and agreed to meet her the next day (they live 30 minutes away from where he is on course). So, atleast if I leave him he can't claim I am leaving him with no family (which could backfire because he realized that giving him essentially leaved him with no connection to anyone).
As one friend used to tell me - life sucks and then you die. Why bother being good and nice when the jerks and users are the only ones who succeed in life?
We all make decisions that make sense at the time... I am happy that you will get the chance to get home to your family...sorry that being there at Christmas would cause you hurt.
((((hugs)))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
I know you said what you did because you are in pain and I am so sorry for that. All I can offer are ((((((((BIG)))))) cyber hugs. I know it doesnt help that much, but we are all here for you....
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
