Well, I'm back and it is now clear that WS and I are separating (and I am foolishly drving across Canada in Feb. Luckily, my Dad is going to drive with me and my dog. The cat is staying until I can find my own place).
WS met me at the airport when I returned and came back to the condo so we could talk. Good thing he did because he had repainted the living room and bought new furniture. True, it is all stuff he had been meaning to do or needed replacing even if I wasn't leaving, but it still left me speechless for a good half hour (cuz it sure felt lke he was moving on without me). On the plus side, it is proof that he spent the entire wekend at home, by himself!
We talked lots and he said that it was strange and lonely to have zero contact with me for 4 days (I left my phone off and i t turned out not to work for some reason anyway). He also said the OW would be coming anyway even if it wasn't to live with him (so he obviously talked to her about the future). He understood why I wouldn't stay longer and said that, even without the OW, we need some time apart and that he doesn't know what he wants from a marriage. He also stated that he won't be filing for divorce but says he won't contest it if I do (which is also my POV), so we came to the agreement that this is more of a seperation than an end and that he will definitely be paying for everything if I move back (he has said this before). He is also go to do the work paperwork as if we are just living seperately but not divorced and see what benefits he can cover me with without fraud (health coverage being the iffy one).
I knwo many of you, and my parents, are probably thinking it is the least he should do, but I figure that this move is my choice (I could stay here and live quite comfortably just far from family) because I don't want to risk running into him. That and the last separation didn't work because we could still just hang out. Basically, I am calling his bluff and showing him what life is like without me.
That, and I can move on with my life. WS admits that he is frightened that, with time and space, I will finds someone better,but that is the price he will pay.
As for moving on, I don't want to go to fast. Mom is already trying to fix me up (I think with the town mayor - why else would she point out he is only a few months younger than me and get me to buy a dress for the Mayor's Ball?). This is good news for him - the last time she tried this the guy immediately started dating my old friend, whom he evntually married. I'm a luccy charm!
It sounds like you're heading in a direction that will lead to some kind of resolution. While we all hope for the best, progress cannot be made in reconciling until your husband finally makes a real decision on the direction he will take your marraige. Of course, that does not take away your right, which his affairs have given you, to make a decision for your future as well.
While I personally don't believe in dating before a divorce is completed, I think making new friends is a good step forward. Have fun at the Mayor's Ball!
This message has been edited by tomj76 on Jan 23, 2008 1:50 PM