Next month will be 1 year since DDay and I really don't feel any closer to knowing what to do about our M. We have gone on with our lives out of necessity if nothing else. There are jobs to go to, children to care for, etc. Admittedly it was easier for me to just put this problem out of my mind and focus on our daily lives than to try to figure out if I could ever trust my H again. I have tried not to think about the hurt that all his actions have caused. Though I still wonder if he is really going where he says he's going when he leaves the house. I really have my doubts about his ability to tell the truth regarding our M and other issues as well. I want to do the right thing--give our M a chance if H is really going to be honest and faithful. But between my wounded pride all the evidence I have discovered that lying is not a new thing for him, I have a hard time deciding that I really want to make a go of our M. We were going to MC, but when the holidays came along we stopped going and now my work schedule has changed to where it's almost impossible for us to go. I think H is happy not to go--he cetainly hasn't mentioned going again. It's so depressing to be in this situation and not knowing if I should move on or make a move to make our M work. I care about him as a person, a friend I guess, but I just don't feel like the love I had for him as my H can be found anymore. I'm just sad about this. Thanks for letting me rant.
(((((K))))
No advice yet, except to say, be easy on yourself..I feel exactly the same way about our M, and its future... I don't know in my heart, yet, which path to choose...
Lisa
I know how hard it is. Year #1 is all about surviving. It's about being able to breathe, move, function in your life or learn how to function in your 'new' life. Don't beat yourself up at all - no one said it was easy.
I know that your schedule has changed regarding MC, but what about IC? Have you and your H read any affair recovery books? I would suggest reading a book together...both of you go to IC..make it feel like you are doing something to move forward.
We read David Carder's book Torn Asunder together...reading one chapter at a time.
It is difficult manuvering through the road of recovery - keep posting and keep talking and know we are here for ya!!
Denise
"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things"
Thanks for your replies! It was a couple days before I could get back here again.
I'm not sure if H would go to IC. I feel even less sure that he would sit down and read a book with me. There have been books that I wanted to share with him in the past, like one that was about parenting, and he had no interest in it that I could see. It seems that with H, anything that might involve him changing the way he does or looks at things is not going to be of interest to him. He tends to be selfish that way. I'm amazed he went to MC as long as he did, especially considering he was being told some things that I'm sure were pretty difficult to hear, both from me and the C. H has this great need to be praised all the time.
I feel that he is still being sneaky about things as well. Lying and not being up front about things has not been just an A issue. H brought home an old car he says a former co-worker gave him to haul away for scrap. Well, that eventually evolved into his deciding to use the car for some kind of amateur car race which I think was the plan the whole time. I also don't beleive it was just given to him. I heard this whole BS story before about another car. He has also been doing some yard work for a guy he knows on the weekends. I think the man is actually paying him more than he is telling me but he doesn't want me to know so he can spend it on himself rather than putting it toward the family. I just hate to be lied to! I'm so sick of it!
I know I am going on and on! It just seems like maybe he doesn't deserve to be trusted. What do you think? I think maybe I need that 2x4 upside the head!
