God, I am so upset right now. Every time I see someone new on this board it just breaks my heart. Knowing what pain they are going through, what pain I am experiencing. Why??? Why are we (humans) so cruel? Why can’t anybody take marriage serious? Why do people cheat??? When you get married, isn’t that a lifestyle that you choose? A lifestyle different from being single? If that’s what you chose, what makes you stray…Makes me mad when I think that people don’t take their vows seriously! If only they (WS) knew what absolute devastation they cause before hand.
I know what you mean Hart. The pervasiveness of infidelity is heartbreaking. I'm just glad that there are places like this for people who've suffered the blow of infidelity, which will try to help them pick up the pieces in the aftermath. After my wife’s affair came to light it seemed like just about everyone I knew had some tie to infidelity in their past, or was going through it themselves. Fortunately that too had diminished over time.
Your post touched me. I have noticed several new peope on these boards and it is heartbreaking. If it makes you feel better, I think everyone here takes marriage seriously.
I know exactly what you all mean; its heartwrenching in one moment and fills me with fury at the next.
I remember what it felt like when I first found HH. There was this wonderful sense of "OMG, people I can talk to about this! People who understand and might have answers to help!" And then I started paging back and back and back through everyone's entries, looking at hundreds of names of people with the same gutwrenching, lifewrenching, heartache. We were all soldiers thrust into a war we never dreamed we'd be fighting and thought we'd specifically made clear we never wanted to fight.
I feel like I have a couple of choices at this point: I can let myself be really angry about this or I can let myself be really sad about this or I can take a moment and remember after DDay how alone I felt, how disoriented, how crushed I was and then offer a welcome to the newest "soldier" and whatever feeble advice that comes to mind. If we can't use our own personal, painful experience towards some positive end, the whole thing starts to feel too much like a big, black hole with new souls constantly being thrown in - pointless and purposeless.
We all spend so much time asking the very reasonable question: "why did this happen?" At 17 months past DDay, with many answers to that under my belt now, the next question is "what can I do to help?" There's a feeling of impotency in welcoming someone new to the board - - I want so much to be able to reach through the computer screen, fix them a meal, give them a hug and take them through the checklist of what to expect and how to proceed. But that's impossible. But we can let them know they're not alone. There is a way to survive. There is a way to get out of the hole we were all shoved into. I see it as a way of paying back my gratitude for all the people who've helped me (and continue to help me) on this journey.
I'm behind on my welcomes, but I'm going to use this thread to remind myself of the positive power each of us has to help...even if its just to say, "you've been heard; I understand."
(With apologies to anyone whose son or daughter is fighting in an actual military action) BlueIris
"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."
<<We all spend so much time asking the very reasonable question: "why did this happen?" At 17 months past DDay, with many answers to that under my belt now, the next question is "what can I do to help?" There's a feeling of impotency in welcoming someone new to the board - - I want so much to be able to reach through the computer screen, fix them a meal, give them a hug and take them through the checklist of what to expect and how to proceed. But that's impossible. But we can let them know they're not alone. There is a way to survive. There is a way to get out of the hole we were all shoved into. I see it as a way of paying back my gratitude for all the people who've helped me (and continue to help me) on this journey.>>
Wow, you really are a great bunch of people, and I'm glad I found this place. I too read through hundreds of posts last night and it made me feel WORSE, seeing how many people this happens to. But, it also made me feel that there IS hope, and that if there are caring people like all of you out there, the world CAN be a better place.
