I have been like everyone else here really struggling to cope since D day 6 months ago. I've been married for 20 years and found out last October that my H had been having a PA for the last 3 years. I was absolutely shattered and have been like everyone else on the rollercoaster from hell. I was triggering over the most ridiculous things - even seeing a cat on TV (OW had two) and the worst experience had to be the movies playing in my head all the time. I tried counselling which didn't help at all so I decided to give Hypnotherapy a try. My therapist is great she has helped me so much. We decided that it wouldn't be right to eradicate all memory of his A but she has certainly given me the tools to cope with the triggers and the graphic images in my head have all but ceased. It's also wonderfully relaxing and I am at last after all that turmoil - calm. I still have days when I slip back a bit and start to think about things but I am finding it so much easier to deal with those times and think clearly about what I am going to do. I know it's still early days and who knows this may not be the answer but for now it's certainly working.
Just wondered if anyone else had any experience of Hynotherapy?
Hey, Suzie. I haven't experienced hypnotherapy, though I certainly had tons of triggers especially early on...and some lingering ones that are painful.
I think the trust issues I now have because of H's infidelity make me uncomfortable going into a suggestive state with a stranger. I recognize that as my own anxiety - - and not that there's anything inherently bad or wrong about therapists or hypnosis. My understanding is that you cannot be made to do something you don't want to do. You just become more open to suggestion. But I'd have to work through that trust thing first, I think, before I went down that path.
I know I have a couple of major triggers that have the potential of interfering with my life going forward. Currently, my way of handling them is avoidance. Perhaps if there is a greater negative impact on my life because of these triggers going forward, hypnotherapy may be a preferable way of handling them. Thanks for bringing up this topic.
BlueIris
"We cannot wait for the storm to pass; we must learn to walk in the rain."
Thanks for your response BlueIris. All I can say is like you I had major issues with triggers and it's not always easy to avoid them in fact sometimes you are not even aware that something is a trigger until it just appears and makes you feel so bad. The Hypnosis has made a big difference to my life. As I said I didn't want to forget what has happened and nothing can alter what a devastating experience this has all been but this has definitely helped me to cope with it in a way that nothing else has. I would be interested to hear from you if you decide to try it for yourself. Keep strong.
Triggers are strange in that they sort of pop up unexpectedly and I do react to them. But, once I know a trigger I work really hard to face it down, reframe it, depersonalize it, or turn it into something positive. Sometimes it takes me a few tries. One challenge is the hotels that line the freeway we drive from time to time that he entertained his women friends. First time I cried. Second time I cried. Third time I mentally prepped and I stared them down. Fourth time I mentally prepared and reframed them as the place where they got the worst of his weak and shattered self, his bad self. Now I forget to look at them. Keep in mind these trips were weeks or months apart so I did a lot of other personal growth in between.
Song lyrics - now I'm noticing how many songs are about making up to the woman from screwing up, begging, promising the world to be taken back. I haven't heard one of those songs for the last 10 months or so, I'm sure they existed. I laugh at the ridiculous of affair songs - that's just me faking until I make it. Or, I just shift my attention and listen to songs like I used to - the music and not each and every word looking for someone to relate to or an answer to all my questions.
I still growl at the Blackberry. There is no Karma issues with hating the Blackberry.
I am so happy that you found relief with Hypnotherapy, I think the key is having a good therapist who helps by giving you the tools to cope. I agree with you that eradicating all memory is not good because need to be aware of the signs that lead you to discover the A ..
I also want to welcome you to Healing Hearts..You have found a wonderful place to help with the healing process.
(((hugs)))
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
It's only been two months since my wife finally admitted to her affair and I have only been on this group for 3 days, but it has been helpful talking to people who have been through this kind of pain.
Hi Reil, it's very early days for you but it's great that you have found this site. I have only just found this myself but its been a godsend. I hope you too find something that works for you and eases your pain.
Things are improving from when I first found out, I am starting to eat again and I walk a lot, I’m sure I will start sleeping normally again at some point.
