Sorry I didn't update you all sooner. I started IC and it has helped alot. IC told me in the 2nd session my H is probably a Narssacist. (Sorry about the spelling) I already guessed that from the info here and reading the posts.
Anyway, shortly after finding the pot bowl the cell records came. Guess what. He's downloading porn on his phone that I help pay for. Got to love it. He knows I check those cell records. What a jerk. Meanwhile a couple weeks before, we went through a baptism ceremony at our church because our church is doing a series on troubled marriages. We publicly became the "poster children" of difficult marriages that can be saved. I told him he really needed to get in counselling so he went to 1 session.
My daughter got suspended from school so I was a little irritated this week on top of which we both had to go to court
Friday for bankruptcy. Fun Fun Fun. He forgot he was going to have to pay the lawyer. So when I asked about it. He went OFF! And I mean OFF! The argument escallated he grabbed me and shook me, pulled my hair and choked me in our bedroom. So as not to alarm my kids when he calmed down we just went to bed, the next morning he did the same thing to me again. Since my daughter was home I downplayed this again. Since our court cases are separate, he wanted me to go to his with him "because If you were a real wife thats what you would do". Then he leaned over me and quietly said "If you dont go you wont like what you get when I get home because I wont act like a husband". My daughter actually heard this.
So, we got in the suv and he screamed at me all the way to the court house. Every foul word you can think of. Calling me every name and screaming how I was a horrible wife and his first wife never treated him like this and he left all that for this. On and on and on.
We got in the court house and he looked at me and his eyes got big. He said "I left my tax returns on the table". I said ok Ill run home and get them for you. So he gave me the keys and off I went.
He left all his other keys in the car along with his cell phone to get through courthouse security. So, on the ride home I dialed 911, took all the keys and when I got home my daughter and I packed all his clothes and put them in the suv (its his suv).
The state police came, took the report (I had visible bruises on my neck by this time) and went to the court house to get him. I went back downtown and got a protective order and filed for divorce.
Something else is going on here. He would have never gone off like that if he wasn't hiding something. He hasn't talked to me that way since the OW became pregnant and I dont remember it being this bad then.
But, after being choked Im not sticking around to find out what it is this time, Im done.
I go to court Tues to extend the protective order. I saw on the public records this am that he has to go to court on July 8 for assault and false imprisionment charges. His boss bailed him out last night.(That was in the public record too.)
So forgiveness is done, He made this choice for me. He ended this marriage. He is a very very ill man. As for me, I will be continuing counselling and after my divorce is final, I hope to find a good Christian man with 1 personality.
Thanks for your support all!! I never would have made it with out you!!!
You have been through ENOUGH! Good for you for your quick thinking and action...you were being abused and handled the situation VERY smart...so as NOT to enflame his already off-the-chart temper!
And smart for protecting your daughter as well. I really think you are on the right track, albeit you've gone through a lot of mud to get here!
Thank you for the encouragement, I have no living relatives and no close friends left(due to this relationship).
He knows this and has used it to manipulate me into putting up with this crap (Im the only one in this world you have).
I finally figured out I'm better off with none. One thing Ive learned Abuse is Abuse is Abuse. There is no good reason for it, no excuse for it, no justification for it at all.
It doesnt matter what you say or do NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PHYSICALLY HARM ANOTHER PERSON.
"I'm sorry, I'll never do it again, I was just so upset because __________ I understand now and it will never happen again I love you ....... "
TRANSLATION = Shut up Im tired of hearing about it, I'll say anything so you will shut up and not tell anyone. I'll do it again when ever I feel like it because you will put up with it.
I know in my heart someone out there is reading this and going through it. Please Please dont ignore it. It WILL escalate and they WILL eventually kill you -- even if by accident while they are roughing you up. They may not mean to kill you but when they are in this zone they loose all control. Dont let it happen, dont give them the chance.
Just to echo everyone else -- you did the right thing. I was in the same situation as you -- an abusive, threatening, controlling, narcicistic husband who did everything he could to make my life hell. Like you, it took a physical altercation to finally end things. I pleaded with him for months to leave the marriage due to his cheating, lying and verbal/emotional abuse, but he refused to leave the home. It took him (like you) choking me to get a restraining order to get him out of the house. You were lucky. When I called the police when he hurt me, they locked us both up. I had to spend the weekend in the city jail with prostitutes and drug addicts until I could get out and file the protective order. Still, it's better than living with him.
You will get through this. It's been 2 years since we had the fight that ended it all, and I am a lot happier and healthier then I was. My divorce is final and I've moved on and found a truly wonderful man who treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Hang in there.
Lisa...I remember that incident. I am so gald things have worked out for you and you are doing well. I am also glad that you've found someone who treats you well. That is great news. There is hope after divorce...I hope I do as well as you
~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
Thanks for telling your story. Some days it gets really tough. I just dont feel like pushing forward, I just want to let my guard down and for it all to be over.
Your story reminded me how I need to stay strong and keep pushing forward because it could have been much worse.
He was charged with 2nd degree assault and false imprisonment. He waived his miranda rights and gave a statement to the officer that mirrored mine.
They set his bond at $10,000.00. His boss got a bail bondsman for him and he was released the same day. His mother called me last night telling me how sorry he was and that she had never seen him so down and it was just killing him. (Blah Blah Blah).
Im sure the purpose of that call was to find out my intentions.
We have a court date for the follow up to the temp protective order. My lawyer tells me that he will likely be convicted on the assault charges if the protective order is extended.
Considering the police report where he waived his rights and confessed, my lawyer says he is almost positive that the extension on the protective order will be granted. If so, it's likely he will be convicted on the assault charge in July. Thus, the call from his mother trying to find out if I plan to push to extend the temp protective order.
Yes, of course I do. Lisa, how did your case play out? Was your husband convicted? What is your take on this? My understanding is that alot rides on whether the court views this as a felony or misdemenor.
If anyone has any experience in this I would love to hear your story.
