It's almost 2 years now since my W first admitted affairs.

I thought it might be worth sharing where I am today for the benefit of people new to this. Just my experience.

I spent the first 6 months in total shock, it occupied my life and I didn't sleep or work properly in that time. I woke with bad thoughts and bad dreams all the time. I bombarded my wife with questions and she responded with lies.

I filed for divorce, she promised to change. I withdrew the divorce and she didn't change at all (surprised?). We finally separated 6 months after that, at my insistence.

We're now almost a year separated and the (new) divorce will be over in a month or so. I have a new life now, I enjoy being single and I feel I stuck up for myself and finally valued myself more than my spouse did. I don't miss much from our 12 years together. To me it's all smashed. Every photo of us together, every memory is tainted somehow. I know that for me it came down to trust - after so many lies I knew would never believe in her again.

I still think about the As - maybe not every day and it's not the first and last thought of each day like it used to be. It still hurts sometimes but not like it did. It does fade with time somewhat, and more importantly life fills up with other, more positive things to concentrate on.

Good luck to you all, I needed this place once and I'm glad it was there for me.

Sam.

Hello Sam,

Thank you so much for sharing with us what your situation is today. It is hard to imagine how life will be after discovery of the A.

For me, I had D-Day 1 January 15, 2007 in which I thought that WH had an EA. I just about went nuts to say the least. Life was simply tumultuous and I never felt WH was truly remorseful. He claimed there was NC with OW.

Fast forward to March 20, 2008 D-Day 2. I discover that WH and OW had been gaslighting me and the A was very much a PA.

My sessions with IC took on a different dimension. WH is now seeing an IC which he refused to do previously. This time I truly feel there is remorse from WH.

I'm not sure where this marriage will go. We have been together for a very long time. We had not seriously talked divorce but I know that the marriage I once thought to be sacred was over the minute WH picked up the phone and called OW. We have good days and bad days.

So it is good to hear how you, Sam, are doing two years after the fact. This gives me hope.

Hats off to you for making a decision that you seem to be happy with.

Wishing you the best,
Nycolette

I am glad you are doing well Sam

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Hey Sam,

I remember your story. I am so delighted that you are doing much better. Thank you for sharing your positive news.

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