The OW has not given up with her calling and trouble-making, I am sorry to say.

You may recall that we sold our taxi business landline (which we operated from our home) because OW would not stop calling it several times every day. H started to use a mobile phone to operate from, giving the number to select customers. But he did get business cards made up and distributed them to potential new customers and he also advertised in a local paper under a new name. I should point out here that I was against the business cards and advert in the paper because it seemed inevitable to me that OW would eventually catch up.

Well, a couple of days ago H left his mobile in the kitchen while he was mowing the lawn. He is very 'loose' with his phone now-no keeping it close to his side, he leaves it lying around so I have not felt concerned. So when it rang, I picked it up to answer it in case it was a customer. I looked at the number on the screen and I felt sure it was OW's mobile number. To test it, I answered it but without speaking. The caller stayed on the line for a few moments without speaking then hung up....exactly the style of OW calling our taxi number all these months. So I cross referenced the number against my list of numbers that I had built up for her and indeed this was hers.

When I told H, he admitted that he knew she had been calling for 3-4 weeks. She had 'caught him out' one time and spoke to him with her usual c*** (Can we meet? Can you ring me? etc) but he assures me that he hung up and thereafter never answered when he saw her number come up. I asked him whether she had been texting him and he eventually admitted that she had (same stuff as above) but he says he deleted them all without replying to any.

I became distressed at his apparant deceit. After all, he knew for a month that she had caught up with him but he hadn't breathed a word to me. In fact, periodically I would ask him 'has lardarse ever phoned?' but he always said no. So I really felt that my heart had broken again. He seemed baffled by my reaction because he swears that he never spoke to her or replied to her texts and maintains that the reasons he didn't tell me were because 1) he was trying to protect me from hurt and 2) because he was anxious about losing yet another telephone number when he is trying to run a taxi business.

I know he is genuine when he says he is worried about the business and the effect of losing another number will have on it. He has managed to build up a customer base on that phone in the short time he has had it. I also believe he is being truthful when he says he was trying to protect me. In his misguided way he realised that I would be upset just knowing she was calling him and so thought saying nothing would be prudent. However I see it differently. I felt he was lying-by withholding information-and this is a big issue for me. I needed total honesty from him and I felt he let me down big time.

I cried myself to sleep and then told him in the morning that I wanted to end our marriage because he still just didn't get the importance of 'truth'. He started to shake and cry himself and begged me not to leave him, repeating over and over that he had NOT answered her calls or texted her back. He pointed out to me that he was not being protective of his phone and was still leaving it lying about so therefore he was not hiding a resurgance of the affair. This is true about his phone. And it's true to say that he is keeping me informed of his movements at all times and that he is not disappearing (like during the A). He maintains that he 'hates the woman' (his words) for what she has put us ALL through and will NEVER EVER want to go back to her. In fact he went as far as to say that even if he and I broke up, he still would not EVER go back to her.

I have pointed out to him that by 'protecting' me from the fact that she was phoning and texting, he has in fact made things a whole lot worse for us both-it would have been so much better to have told me after the first time she spoke to him. Yes, he would have had to change the number again but I would have been grateful for his honesty. Instead he has set things back again-months of gentle healing has been undone.

He has now put a new SIM card in his mobile and he has informed his customers that his phone had an accident, hence the change of number (yes, a lie but we didn't want all the customers knowing our private business). I have insisted that he can no longer advertise or hand out business cards. How can he? OW will just catch up again in time otherwise.

This nasty destructive woman just will NOT let go. She is hell-bent on revenge. I am not convinced now that she even wants H any more...I think it's all about splitting us up. After her call that I answered, I let my son answer the next call and he told her to 'stop phoning us and go get a life'. This is the text she sent to H, obviously well aware that I would see it:

>>>U c*** letting that t*** answer your phone, u f****** tell her the truth or i show her the evidence. U have just phoned me from a callbox 2 tell me adrian has the phone 4 a week as u 2 r having a holiday then u let that useless t*** of a son of yours verbally abuse me. U have no balls rich, we have been seeing each other for 15 mths now and u cant say no 2 me even when i met u saturday night we had sex we always do<<<

To clarify, Adrian is another taxi driver that H works with quite a lot. However she has some things muddled up. We already had our holiday 3 weeks ago and H left his phone with a taxi driver called Matt, not Adrian. So she has some facts wrong; ie we are not GOING on holiday, we have already been.

H has never spoken to Adrian about this A so it is feasible that OW has got her info from talking to him while in his cab. He wouldn't have known not to tell her anything. H will now have to warn Adrian not to give out personal stuff about us...including his new number. H has pointed out that she has abused his son (the son that was stabbed) twice in that text so why would he want anything to do with such a nasty woman. Logically I know that is true. But my emotional self gets overwrought with fears and suspicians and I can't think straight.

I did manage to fire off one text to her before we removed the SIM card for good. I couldn't resist the chance to attack her:

>>>Plse see yr shrink & ask him 2 change yr pills cos you are still loony tunes. U will never find happiness cos ppl like u that try to spread misery will always get it back doubled-wot goes around comes around. U can't touch us cos we are a close united family. Rich will neva eva want u again afta a memba of yr family stabbed his son. U are an ugly slug, inside and out-i pity u<<<

I needed to get it off my chest but I still hurt. I think H does understand why it was his not telling me that hurts me so much. Do I think he is still meeting her? In my head I think NO. He isn't behaving the way he did during the A. And I believe he is right in saying that he hates her after what she has put our family through. But since the A, my head doesn't work right, if that makes any sense. Logic is not my companion anymore. I am an emotional mess with cotton-wool for brains.

I should add here that our 2 sons-who also are watchful and keep an eye on their father's movements as much as I do-both think that he is innocent of any involvement with OW, her text is purely for maximum destruction, designed to split us up by filling my head with doubts.

Sorry for rambling on and probably boring you. But God, I LOATHE OW. I really find it hard to comprehend that someone could be so NASTY. Whatever did H see in her? That question will haunt me for the rest of my life, I fear.

(((((((((((((((EG)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am with Ami, even little lies cut to the bone after all that has happened. I am so sorry you are going through this. We all think we have the OW from he11...but honey, your WH's OW takes the cake! I wish there ws something the authorities could do...I know you have gone that route without much success...and Im sorry you have both lost so much. Take care of yourself and vent all you need to. I wish there was more we could do, other than listen and offer our support.

You are in my prayers...

~ CAL
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha

Thank you for your kind messages, I really appreciate your thoughts.

>>>The best you can do, is make it. Ignore her! She is nobody.<<<

H says the same thing as Ami (above) when I express my doubts that I can move on from this A and the subsequent fallout. Sometimes I struggle with my feelings of betrayal and anger so much that I feel that I want to end our marriage. These are the times that H says to me 'Won't she just love that. Us splitting up is exactly what she wants so why give her the satisfaction? Surely the best revenge on our part is to show her that we are still together and in love?'

On another note, tonight, my younger son has dressed up for his Prom night. He looked so tall and handsome in his suit, his girlfriend looking so gorgeous by his side. I felt so proud of him and every day I thank God that he is still here with us after his stabbing.

I also feel so old. I am 42 but I mentally feel so much older. The experiences I have lived through since last August (my D-Day) have changed my personality and altered my outlook on life. And that's not a good thing. I liked the world I was living in before August so much better.

Unfortunately his choice to hide the truth has now helped to set the stage for any mistrust you might feel over this text message sent by the OW. It's important for the WS to be fully transparent after D-day, especially in matters involving the OP.

In addition, the need for no contact between the WS and OP extends to the BS as well. Any contact with your family will only serve to prolong the time it takes for her to stop contacting your family.

That said, I'm not sure it's a good idea to continue changing your phone number in order maintain that barrier, especially if it's that easy for her to discover. Doing that seems to satisfy her desire to disrupt your family. In addition it keeps the questions about the true status of the affair an open matter in your mind. It might be better to change how the phone is used for the business. For example, could the system be changed so that his customers cannot reach him directly anymore, but rather they must call a dispatcher or you first? Alternatively, using voicemail for all business correspondence might be another choice. Then he can return only the calls that are from verified customers. I understand that the company he works for has certain expectations and rules, so you'll need to meet those requirements, but whatever you can do to restrict her ability to reach him and/or you is an important part of the process. Even a temporary measure might be enough to break down her interest.

TomJ

English girl,

I wish there was a magic wand that would rid you of this evil woman..

I am so happy that your son is doing well.. that is so important ..

my thoughts are with you,

((((hugs)))

Pat

"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."