I saw your response to Overtureguitar and wanted to welcome you to HH. Please feel free to post your story when you are ready.

In the meantime, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Take care of yourself and your darling baby. Remember that whatever happens with your H in the future, you can never regain this time with your precious child, so enjoy your baby and bond together.

Second, know that your feelings are very normal for this situation. None of us could believe that our spouses would cheat on us, and yet they did. As far as being in shock, I was just thinking about that yesterday and thought how I was mostly in shock for several months before the pain really sank in.

Check out the resources under Helpful Links. The books I found most helpful were "After the Affair," "Not Just Friends," and "How Can I Forgive You?" Peggy Vaughan's website, dearpeggy.com, is extremely helpful, and I recommend you go there and read.

One thing I did NOT do, but in restrospect can see would have helped me immensely was go to IC immediately! I waited until about 7 months after DDay #2. Going sooner would have been a huge gift to myself and to my children.

In the meantime, know that you have found a safe haven here. We will listen, offer advice if asked, and offer comfort and reassurance.

One last thing, and if you don't remember anything else I wrote here, remember this: No matter what your H or anyone else says, NOTHING YOU SAID OR DID MADE YOUR H CHEAT! That was ALL his doing. IF (and this is sometimes a HUGE if) you were having problems in your marriage, you are responsible for your share of those, but even if you were having problems, your H could have chosen to honor his commitment to you and your marriage and worked on the marriage. HE CHOSE TO HAVE AN A ALL ON HIS OWN. The A is NOT your fault in any way. PERIOD. End of story.

Many WS will try to blame the BS for the A, telling us preposterous nonsense, like we didn't iron their shirts, or hitting us in our sensitive spots, like we weren't thin enough. But whatever bullsh*t they tell us to excuse and justify their bad choices is exactly that--excuses and justifications. So stand firm and refuse to let him get away with blaming you.

Welcome to the site no one wanted to be at but were all glad we found.

Gentle fairy hugs,

fairyfriend

edited to correct grammar errors

Welcome to sweet Kimmyboo, a good friend of mine.

So glad to see you posting here honey!! I know you don't have a lot of time, but you will find so much support here. These people saved me a** more times than once!!

Love you.

Hopearoo (and yes, call me Hopearoo here, not by my real name, I do that for professional reasons)

Hi Fairyfriend,

I just wanted to thank you for your welcome to healing heart. My dear friend hopearoo told me about it, and I would like to spend more time here, but I haven't been able to.

I still do not have the time to tell my story. The saga actually continues, I had DD #3 on Monday. I'm tired, I'm sad, discouraged and numb all at the same time.

Thank you for all of your advice. I am taking it. I have the following books: "Not Just Friends" and "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" and my husband just purchased "Getting Past the Affair" yesterday.

I will post again soon.
Thanks again for your welcome.

Love,
Kimmyboo

((((Kimmyboo))))

I read you just had Dday 3 on Monday. I'm sure you're hurting so badly right now. I can recreate the pain of my own Dday3 experience and the pain can still feel raw. But at 18 months out, those thoughts and feelings are fleeting and fuzzy and losing their impact as my H has turned himself around. More current good memories are pushing out the blackness.

I'm here to ask you to please be good to yourself. Try not to make any life altering decisions too fast. The pain will subside, albeit slowly, and your head will think more clearly.

JJ

Peace is not just the absence of war; it's an exercise in compassion. -Dalai Lama
Coming to you from JJ

I am not at all surprise by your news, but I am so sorry. Expect more, rather than fewer, lies. I am glad you have Hopearoo to help you navigate the treacherous path ahead. She is a great person. Please do come share your story when you are ready. The more you get the poison out of your system, the more you can see and accept that A are NOT about the BS at all. They are ALL about the WS and his/her problems.

Take care of yourself.

Huge comforting and encouraging fairy hugs,

ff

Welcome Kimmyboo....and so sorry for yet another d-day. been there - done that....got the badge (can't remember who laminated for me).

Reading is a fabulous thing to do!!! Those are great books to read - and if your H is reading too that's even better! You have promise there!!!

When you are ready - tell your story; we will be all ears and ready for you darlin'.

(((((((((((Kimmyboo))))))))))

Denise

"Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe”

Why have you and Mr. Boo not posted on the Open board here together??????

Me and Mr. Hopearoo, can only be here for you so much..especially now with our new life changes...

These people are so amazing and such a resource for you both...

Please, please, take advantage of it...

The people here impacted and literally probably saved/changed the course of my life. It's that big.

DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

I love you.

"Hopearoo"

PS) Look for people in the chatrooms during the day...especially look for Len and Dee...