Hello past friends and new people,

I hope everyone is atleast o.k.

I haven't been here for awhile. I think I recall telling you how sick my mother was with cancer. Well, she died the end of June. God, how I miss her!!

Spouse (or whatever I should be calling him), left me and the boys (remember, one is special needs), a week or so after.

He "claims" he isn't able to take the boys to his moms who has tons and tons and tons of available space in her home for sleepovers. This means, he is staying over here some nights.

I guess this is the beginnings of the end. The end of 25 years.

I still can't believe all that has happened. So many emotions.

I am so afraid of the future (with no education, no job, MAJOR stress of the boys, their needs (esp. special needs child).

I am just wiped out so to speak. I could just run away!

I remember you. I'm so sorry about your mom. It is sad your "spouse" can't be more supportive, especially at this time. Do you think he would help you so you could do something to be more self-sufficient? Watch the kids while you take some online courses or something? I think I remember that he wasn't so willing to help, but maybe he could be convinced.

I wish you the best.

Lynda

LMW,

I remember you too.

I am so very sorry for your Loss. You have my very deepest sympathies.

I am also sorry that you H has chosen as he has. Too often WS's cannot face themselves and choose to run away instead. Sadly, at the expense of those who love them.

You will make it, because you must, and you have such a great love for your children. It will be hard, but one day life will be good again.

((((HUGS))))

Ami

I am so sorry to hear of you mothers passing. There are many joys of watching out kids grow into adults, becoming grandparents, but with that comes the passing of our parents. I've been blessed to still have my parents, both 88 now but my mom's health is really failing.

I was married 30 years and I was a at home mom, no college and facing having to find employment at 50. That was in 2000, I found work and have been working at my 2nd job now for 4 yrs. You can do it, just have faith in yourself.

Now I'm on another challenging journey. I met a man one year after my divorce and fell head over heels in love. He was so charming and had 20 yrs sobriety (my ex was in and out of treatment). I sold my home moved into his and put all the money from my home into ourlives and home. He was on disability for a back injury and I went through 6 back surgeries with him. What I didn't know until now was he was I was repeating my care taking that I had done for 30 yrs. I gave this man money and trust, only to find out he was using me. I found that his disablity is for depression and not his back. I found many things about his past that are very alarming. He has a pain pill addiction and through my counseling I've found that he's very likely a sociopath. I still sit back in amazement that this is my life and not some Dateline show on TV. This man took money from our line of credit and bought a Harley and than told me he wanted to break up. I moved out immediately, that was in March since than there's been suicide threats, begging for forgiveness wanting me home (while he was on match.com mind you). I pay half the mortgage while this man still lives in our home. The house is for sale and he's threatening to take it off because of the market. I'm sure this will end up in some legal battle over money. I've been living with my son and his family and will move into my parents condo next month. It will be very difficult but maybe that's where I need to be right now.

I've realized that we have no control over certain things in our lives. The only thing we truly can control is ourselves and how importnat it is to honor who we are and not beat oursleves up for trusting another individual who has betrayed us. You , I and all of the people here deserve to be loved and respected with trust and honesty. It so easy to fall into the pity pot, beat myself up for the poor choices but it does nothing but break my spirit ( I still have a little bit ).

We can only take a day at a time. Look for something positive in that day. Be greatful for those we love in our lives and love us back. Be thankful that we have choices to make our life better. I know in my heart that it is possible.

We can pick up the pieces little by little and become whole again.

I wish you only the best in your journey.

Sue

LMW,

I am so sorry about your mother. I had hoped that she would get better. I know this is a difficult time for you, but hand in there. Nothing is permanent. You ARE a strong woman. Please remember that.

Comforting fairy hugs,

fairyfriend

Thank you to everyone who responded. Everyone who offered me emotional support. I am having some horrible days missing my MOTHER. I really was not close to her, until she took ill. She needed me and allowed "US" to get close. She was so much "to herself person, who shared little of her feelings."

Then there is the breakdown of my long relationship/marriage. The guy still treats me like **** and knows how to push my buttons.

He comes here to stay every Tues./Thurs. night and every other weekend. I haven't anywhere to go, so stay here. I am very particular about the boy's routine and he simply refuses to do his own thing, which really really makes me mad.

He likes to put on the "I am such an involved dad outside with all the lady neighbours." He will stay outdoors all night with the boys if other lady neighbours are out and play with everyones kids. THEY THINK HE IS JUST GREAT and probably think I am the nag, who is always mad/angry. They likely think I am miserable (I am) and he is the easy going lucky person. Believe me, when he comes in the house, it is a totatlly different ball game. He is either yelling at them, or not speaking to them. He doesn't follow the routine I have set up for them and he doesn't do half of what I do when it is his night here......i.e. doesn't unpack backpacks, make lunches, do the homework,,,. Everything get's thrown to the wind. Homework over the summer is so important to my special needs child. I have always to do the hard work.

How can someone I married turn out to be such a jerk? He seems to "get off" manipulating me and I can't help being frustrated by him.

The other day, I actually say in my bed and thought back to 25 years ago when we were dating. He was always wishing to please me, do nice things for me, make me feel special. Why, why, knowing I just lost my mom, am grieving a relationship (which he isn't even worth it, but yet I am), and having to deal with a challenging child who fights non stop with his brother not wish to be more kind/helpful.

I can't help but really loathing him and that is such a horrible thing to say.

Thank you for listening and God Bless.