I couldn't believe the look of fear on my wifes face today. It is her birthday and I am trying to make it a pleasant day. I have had a couple of bad days the last couple of weeks. We stayed in bed for a while this morning and three of the kids came in. They started kicking each other and I just laughed. It was better than getting upset. We got up around 9:30 and she opened cards and gifts. The gifts were nothing too special since we took a trip two weeks ago for her birthday. Things were going fine. I drove over an hour each way to get her a cake from a special bakery she wanted it from.
When I returned she was out shopping. I picked up roses and chocolates while I was out and to surprise her I left them on the dresser in our room, and I went out in the yard on the hammock. Apparently the vase tipped over. The roses were on the floor and the water had gotten spilled. The kids were cleaning up when my wife returned and I didn't even know they had fallen. Somehow one of the kids told my wife I was mad. My wife sees the roses on the floor and I am mad. She comes out in the yard and with a panicked look asks me what is wrong. Of course I say nothing is wrong, so she asks me why the roses are on the floor. She thought I had thrown them there. I had her come over and gave her a hug. I explained I knew the roses were there but they should not be on the floor and I didn't do it.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words and judging by her fear that I was upset she does still care. There have been times when I question her love, especially since we don't talk about the A much.
I have learned it's a long road but every step in the right direction helps. An unexpected movement in the right direction will be welcome any time. Usually we would get into an argument before we could figure out there is no fault to give here.
If I can make a bonding moment out of a possible fight the rest of you certainly can, because before this happened I wouldn't recognize an emotion if I tripped over it. (If you don't believe I could buy my wife a dozen roses and chocolates and get in a fight over it you don't know me)
Still stumbling down the road
and it is getting smoother
I think that arguement happen irregardless of what nice things are happening..
my H bought me some beautiful flowers trying to make me happy, feel loved etc.. that was a day I really let loose with some pent up emotions following a MC session.. it appeard that everytime he would plan or do something nice.. would be the day I really struggled..he would laugh with the MC because they watched all his good intentions go up in smoke...
..since that day he had only gotten me flowers once on a valentines day.. he filled the house with flowers..I really enjoyed that gift..LOL..
I am happy that you are seeing some changes..
Pat
"Time is precious, but truth is more precious than time."
Bill
I admire the way you and your wife handled the roses. My H and I have gotten in terrible fights because he reacts to something like that in the same way and instead of seeing as concern I see it as fear. Fear that I have discovered something more he was hoping to hide and he knows he has been caught.
Terrible I know. But we have had a lot of arguments all because of situations like this. I see what you have accomplished as progress, perhaps when I can see his concern for me and not for himself or his fear. When I can trust, I will know we have accomplished something.
