It was obvious that more than one person wrote this starter. The pacing of the story jumped erratically in places, which interrupted the otherwise consistent flow of the prose with irregular intervals.
The humor was forced, if not outright lame. My apologies, but the most laughs I can get out of this is a brief chuckle in reaction to the sentient twinkie, and that's about it. Sometimes I'm having trouble figuring out whether this is a dark, serious survival horror tale, with some vain attempts at funny, light-hearted moments, or a total farce disguised as some sort of black comedy.
The characters are not endearing enough, much less likeable. But since this is the starter, and the first part of the story, this could be forgivable. At least, it's a much better read than some stories over at improfanfic.com.
Still, despite its faults, I find some measure of entertainment from it. I'd read the next chapters, if anyone will be continuing this.
-Sig
Posted on Apr 29, 2003, 5:01 PM from IP address 210.23.250.47