I haven't been around much- too much drama going on right around me- but had to write so someone can, once again, tell me I'm not losing my mind.
To recap- DDAy was 12/13/01- Ex and I broke up, got back together, ad nauseum.
We aren't together anymore. He is with OW, only if you hear him tell it- she's a 'nobody'.
The car I drive belongs to him- he bought it for me to get from under a car note- and it's still in his name.
This week (monday) I had some car trouble here at work. Car was doing weird stuff, thereby making me afraid to try and put it on the highway to get home. I called a friend of mine to come get me, and she ended up being able to follow me to get the car home.
I called the Ex's uncle (so he could call the EX) and he got ahold of him at HER house (ugh) and then he showed up at my house Monday night.
He stayed (on the couch) to give me a ride to work Tuesday morning. Stayed again Tuesday night- to repeat. EX works at a dealership, and I was figuring he'd be networking to get the car looked at. Well, Wednesday after dropping me off at home, he never came back. (OW is off on Wed,Thurs,Fri nights).... Thursday morning I got up- waited and waited. I called OW house about 10 times. No answer. THAT was humiliating. Finally, he showed at 7:15 a.m. Today, same scenario only when I called OW house, he answers. I say a few choice words...and he finally arrived at 8- acting as though I were the enemy and choosing to not speak one word to me at all.
The problem is this. I have no one else to help me. It's so frustrating that I feel like I HAVE to call on him for ANYTHING.
It's all so humiliating. I thought DDAy and the after affects were bad- but me having to call HIM at HER house just about does me in.
Someone please tell me that 'this too shall pass'.
Is there a reason taht you have to call on him financially? One thing that I did from the time I separated was vow not to call ex for anything...even if he offered and even if I had to pay for it.....
Right after the divorce I had to leave a message for him because I couldn't find one of the suitcases...when he called back and left me a message, I realized that just hearing his voice was a set back for me ...I bought a new piece of luggage and never spoke to him again...almost two years ago.
It may be worth just taking the car to a repair shop and cutting him off?
If I had the means to take that car and get it fixed, I would. When the AC went out, I didn't call him, because I had the money to get it fixed. When the water pump went out on my car a few months ago, I had the money to fix it- and did. I never called him.
The problem is - there is no one else to call. Seriously. If he weren't getting me to and from work, I'd have no way here.
It's just frustrating that I find myself in this position at all.
How long has this situation been going on - the affair/living with OW, etc??
There must be some thing that can be changed so that you don't have to call him ....how far are you from work? It sound stupid, but could you bike there etc? I'd do anything so I didn't "need" him!
Also, is there anyone at work that fixes cars on the side - cash works great! Any one that you work with that you could call for a ride from time to time? You could offer to pay for a tank of gas etc ...course it may be cheaper to buy a new with gas prices - lol.
Believe me, if I had any other option I'd take it.
I'm 12.5 miles from work- and take the interstate daily- so no, it's not an option to ride a bike. (I'm too vain to do that anyway).
I don't have anyone at MY job that knows jack about cars- we only issue welfare all day.
Cash certainly does work great when you have it.
He's been gone for over 8 months. But, that doesn't mean he doesn't still attempt to keep up with ME in all that time. Sending flowers to my job, etc- wanting to remain 'friends' because 'we are so much better than that'. Gag.
So he's a presence. The more I shut him out, the harder he tries. He is aware that I'm out of 'chances' for him, but won't disappear. Mainly, he says, because I'll need someone some day- and no matter what happens, he's there (it only gives him something to pump himself up about- that no matter what, he'll ALWAYS do for Tracie).....
Mmmmmm wants his cake and wants to eat it too....interesting!
I would cut him off completely and make him make a decision. Take a friggin bus to work if you have too. Do something not to rely on him. A neighbour, a friend, a relative...somebody must be able to give you a ride or help to fix the car.
Tracie, you are going to have to stop relying on him. What if he moved interstate or overseas for work - THEN how would you resolve the issue. That's how I would approach the problem, pretend he isn't available to help and dealing with it accordingly. I'm pretty much that way inclined anyway, I will do whatever it takes not to have to ask for help from anybody.
For as long as you keep falling back on him, there is no need for you to find your own resolution to problems.
(((Hugs))) to you. This is easy for me to say. My H is a mechanic, lol.
don't feel too bad tracie, I did the same thing and had to gradually wean myself off him. he too wanted to stay good friends and know he still has affection for me and it sounds the same for you too. in reality though, it's not enough, is it? mine was very ambivalent -for almost a year- and am sure the advent of ow's baby tipped the scales in her favour. think it's this very tendency to blur the lines that probably enabled him to cheat in the first place. it was so hard because we were great friends for many years and sometimes it takes time to unravel the ties that bond. on the flip side, it did give me a twisted sense of gratification knowing that it must have irked ow! the others are right in that it makes letting go that much harder and I admire cherish and others who did take a firm stance. as you move on, you will become less reliant on him.
