It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Today and yesterday I made a few responses.
I use to call myself Blinded. I had that name because that was the word that really just hit me in the face on D-DAY. I WAS JUST SO BLINDED. My eyes are wide open now and things are going well most the time.

My story as quick as I can.
Married 16 years this past June 18th.

July 20th 2002 found out about A on computer. Had no suspensions what so ever, just had a feeling on that particular day that I should look at the computer. Never even looked at the e-mail before even though the password was right in the draw and H never even thought to hide it because he knew I never went on the computer. Worse day ever. Complete and utter shock to the point that for a brief second I considered that it was a terrible nasty joke.

Stayed calm because my children and their friends in the other room.
Sent Friends home and told kids that Dad and I had to have an adult meeting and that they were to go to their rooms and play but they weren’t in trouble.

Went out back and asked my husband (he was cutting the lawn) with a smile on my face if he could come in the house real quick because I wanted him to see something our 5 year old was doing that was real cute.

Brought him to the bedroom and just pointed to the computer. An e-mail was up that the OW had responded to from my H. He had sent it earlier while I was in the shower. All kinds of stuff about their evening the night before and what he had just finished doing to himself thinking of her.

This was a women he worked with that I knew they were really could friends and happy for my H because he’s never really had any friends. Her and I would talk on the phone, planned a surprise party for him, and danced with at parties and Happy Hours the whole time she’s helping to ruin my life. This is the women he told me he thought was real nice but it’s a shame her family is such trash (not a lie), he would say she could get a boyfriend if guys looked past her unattractiveness (not a lie and my husband chose to prove his theory), she has a bubble butt (not a lie but I guess he liked it), the person that people at worked teased him and her about being boyfriend and girlfriend and it pissed him off. He would say all kinds of things about her appearance but in the end say she’s a good friend though. He told me all these things because who would tell their wife this stuff if they were really having an A. Knowing how trusting I was and thinking that we were that special couple that every other married couple wants to be,,,,,I believed that he just had a good friend and I was so happy for him.

After 4 months of just hell I finally asked him to leave. He was not doing what I thought a remorseful husband should be doing and I could tell he really missed her and was not going to be the OW in my own marriage. I found him an apartment and moved him.

Feb. 2003 he asked to come home. He said he was waiting for the right time to ask me and tell her but could see I was moving on and couldn’t wait a lot longer. She was also beginning to think she needed her space and was cooling off. After he told her he was coming home she did a complete “you’re abandoning me” act. As if she had the right to him to begin with.

The first 5 to 6 months were hard, she would call on occasions drunk and say really hurtful things to me, and the last time she called was a year ago Father’s Day to supposably wish my H happiness with his family. BS.

I have to take my H’s word that she no longer contacts him at work or on his work e-mail.

We make sure we do a lot together and with the kids and I have to say 65% of the time the outings are his idea and his effort.

I still feel not good enough at times. This is hard to explain, I should say I feel he thinks I’m not good enough. It’s hard to feel good enough when your H cheated with someone definitely less attractive than you. He says it was all about his low selfesteem, it had nothing to do with me, he was surprised another women wanted him. He said he knows the difference is truly that she adored him while not really knowing him and I adored him even knowing all his faults and crappy quirks and she proved that when once all the damage was done and I made him move out and then she decided she wanted space.

Anyway, it’s been tough but things are good. We still have upsets, me being upset and him being angry because I’m upset. He’s gotten better with what he should do but his main issue is selfishness and the old saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks definitely applies. He’s much better but he blocks out stuff that causes him pain and that is what seeing me upset does so I don’t get from him what I should all the time when I get upset and that sparks an argument.

I am Best2Place now. The meaning of this name is though I’m not in the Best Place anymore (that’s where I thought I was before I found out about the A), I am happy to say I am in the 2nd Best Place.

Sorry for rambling.

Best2Place,

Thanks for sharing your story with us (those that are new).
I am glad to see that life is better than ok with you....it gives me another ray of hope.

D

I'm with D. Another ray of hope. Thanks for sharing. You didn't ramble at all.

The horror of finding out. We are all different but those horrible feelings, that moment when the lightbulb comes on. God I'm glad I'm past that. Sometimes I catch myself reliving that nightmare and have to force my thoughts elsewhere. Thank God I've reached the point where I can.

Glad your back.

Teri

I remember reading posts from you. Welcome back! You did a great job of synopsizing the situation and I am glad to hear that you are doing ok.
jbean

Thanks everyone,
Believe me there were definitely times that I just thought it was never going to work, but if you see any hope you have to keep trying.

Thank you for sharing your story .

Best 2nd place to be fits the bill in my life also...I have gone for a few days where I haven't thought about the A...life is so much better now...the roller coaster ride isn't so high... now a kids babyrollercoaster LOL part of that ride is called life!

Pat