Recently my little four-yr-old daughter (who asks really cool questions, like "How do you make water?") came up to me and asked me, "Mom, what is love?"

Well, I was taken aback. I paused, and then I asked her, "well, honey, what do YOU say it is?"

She says, "well, it's like a feeling you have when you loooove someone [holding her hand over her heart]. Also, it's jewelry [a heart pendant], and it's what's inside you, you know, your heart that beats."

How funny. Then she asked me again. She made me think, as I wanted to give her a good answer that she could understand. So I said, "Love is wanting God's best for someone, and doing what you can to help make that happen."

Wow. I'm so glad she asked me; putting these huge truths in a way that a small child can understand cuts thru a lot of crap.

She just asks me the coolest questions.

The other day we were going thru the McDonald's drive-thru, and she happened to have some dandilions in her hands that she had just picked. She said "Mom, give the man at the window a flower."

I said, "Reeeeally? You really want me to do that..." She said yes.

So the man gives us our food, and I hand him a dandylion, saying "this is from my daughter.... Peace." And we drove off. It was a lotta fun.

This is why I like staying home....

Jean

Kids are great, aren't they? My 5 year old came home from her first day at Kindergarden and said that all the teacher did was talk, talk, talk, then she gave them a break for recess.

Too funny.

Jean:

You're the best. I deem you an official Mommy-mentor. I have to remember all these great answers you give to your kids for when my son is old enough to ask them. I still remember the explanation you gave to your son when he asked why you weren't married to his dad anymore. Something along the lines of: Two people have something special and if one gives that something special to someone else, then they can't stay married. What a great way to explain to a seven year old that dear old dad screwed around and wasn't supposed to. And you did it right when you were in the midst of so much turmoil. I continue to learn from your sterling examples...

Hi,

Whilst my W was out with OM all day one Saturday, completely unprompted my then 6 yr old came up to me and said very knowingly 'Don't worry Dad. It'll be all right' and wondered off. It was a great moment.

Paul

re: "mommy mentor." Thank you for your kind words, Misha. Actually, I did want to be some sort of mentor-- I wanted to be a post-partum doula and also an encourager of mothers who wanted to stay at home with their children but felt pressured in some way to get a "real job." Being a mother and mothering well is one of the most challenging jobs a woman could ever undertake. But right now, I don't think, is the right time... at least I don't think I have the emotional energy. I'm helping take care of my dad who's very ill with cancer.

Perhaps some time in the future I'll come back to this idea. Right now, if I were to get a job -- ANOTHER job, I should say -- I think I'd want one that wasn't challenging for me.... One where I can go, put in my time, and go home, without worrying about networking, marketing, tax issues, prof. insurance.... all that crap.

re: <<<Something along the lines of: Two people have something special and if one gives that something special to someone else, then they can't stay married.>>> Actually, I told my son that that his father decided that he didn't want to be married to me anymore in the way God designed marriage. And that the special married love was not meant to be shared in any way with anybody else, because doing that hurts the spouse a whole lot and ruins the "specialness". And that you can't make another person love you, but that God loves you very much, just as He loves me and your father and everyone else in the world. If you love God back, that's fantastic, but God doesn't make anyone do that, either.

PaulFirst--yep kids are often smarter than we realize. They can even tell when we "pretend" to be happy, can't they? I think that pretending in this way can be "crazy-making" for children, no matter their age....for instance, if you're irritable with stress, or they've seen tears in your eyes.... and then if you tell them that you're "fine," -- well, they can see, obviously, that you aren't fine, so they have to live with the duplicity of what they see and feel as opposed to what they are told. My mom does this a lot; I know she doesn't do it on purpose. She just has a habit of stuffing her emotions.

Jean

My little guy has been putting me through the ringer with questions about the divorce.  In the beginning he wanted to know how we would get money because I am finishing schooling instead of working and he wouldn't settle with "dad will help us by giving us money for a while"  he wanted to know exactly how the cash got in our hands so I went on to explain my checking account and we even got as far as interest, etc.  

Here are some other things I've gotten in the last few months.

"why are WE divorcing dad"

"why don't we see dad during the week"

"why can't you and dad get back together?"

"you love (brother's name) more than me"

"I would be happy if you and dad lived together again"

"I will be happy if you and dad both get a new wife and new husband"

On the good side here's one he said last night.

"Your the best mom ever, I love you mom"

 

 

I hate those questions. A couple of days ago my 5yr old asked if papa loves loves another lady. I happened to be on the phone talking with him so I handed HIM the phone. I asked why she thought that and she said that she heard us talking about another lady.

So young and they don't miss a thing. Ouch!

Teri

Hey, Teri...good for you. That's what I would have done, too. Hand to the phone to the person who should answer the question.

I don't speak for my ex at all. Even when he says "tell XXXX and XXXXX I love them." I say "no, I don't feel comfortable speaking for you. You would have to tell them yourself." And if our children ask me why their father doesn't want to live w/ us anymore, I tell them to ask their father. No sense in me trying to speak for him. He's the one who needs to hear and answer these questions from his children that he has said that he loves.

Jean