I just wanted to stop in and "say" hello and wish all of you the best. I had spent time not so long ago with some of you on this board. I started a new company about 2 months ago and spend a great deal of time helping coach my son's soccer team.

I have been so busy working that I basically have left my problems to the side. Wether or not that is good is a question. I am developing this feeling of wanting to either make my marriage what it needs to be or seperate. I really do love my wife, but it eats me to know she spends hours per day with OM. Do I think there is anything going on between them?- No.

What I realized recently is the ditinctive differences in what my wife and want or expect from our marriage and from each other. She seems to quite content to be good friends, good parents, etc. She doesn't feel that her spending time with OM each day is a problem (because "nothing is going on anymore"). She will refuse to speak about it, wants me to never bring it up, and now the weirdest....she will sometimes leave in the morning for work without even saying goodbye....and when she wants to go to bed, she just sneaks up to bed and goes to sleep. No talking, no time with just me (no kids), etc. Needless to say, that makes having a physical relationship laughable. I also admit that it was never even nearly good for most of our marriage. so, is it avoidance or laziness???

I have come to realize some things. I need more than a friend for my spouse, I need a best friend. I need more than a co-parent, I need a wife that will let me lead and not contradict my parental decisions or directions. I need a lover in my bed, not just a snoring body keeping the other side of matress warm. I need someone. I have just been so preoccupied and busy that I have refuse to see that fact. I feel so lacking in my spirit that I question so many things about life. I realize why I have spent so much of my adult life trying to please others....it is because I knew my lack of acceptance at home....I sensed it, but never clearly saw it.

I have read so many posts and wanted to just reach out and hug these people..make a connection, etc. I wanted to talk with you folks, cry with you folks, and laugh with you all.

Take care and God bless all of you

Dear Need4Happiness,

Good to see you back. It seems like you clearly know now what you want and see that you are not getting it. I hope you can open your w's eyes to see this also, but it seems like she is moving out of the marriage without moving out of the house. Sounds like there is just one next step. You will make it when and if you see that it makes sense. Whatever stage we are in with regards to our own happiness it really is our choice to be there or not. I wish you lots of luck and hugs and peace.
jbean

Hey man,

I liked seeing your newfound clarity of thought. I went through that myself a while back, and my next step was to lay down those same thoughts for my W.

In short, I told that unless she could show me that she wanted our marriage, then it was over. Obviously, I gave her reasons to go with my feelings, but I don't need to relate them to you. You already wrote them above.

Cory

Sight and Vision are two different things.

I listened to these lyrics of the Rocky Burnette song "Toeing the Line" for the first time today. Heard them thousands of times, sang along with them plenty of times, but listened for the first time today.... hmmmmm Anyway, sounds like you can relate...


Baby Im
Tired of toein the line.
If you want to get rid of me
Baby, baby, baby youre doin fine.

Baby Im
tired of toein the line.
Im gonna put on my walkin shoes
and leave you far behind.

N4H,

Good for you.

Your life sounds like mine used to, up to about a year ago.

You personally sound much further ahead of where I was personally at the same point.

Good for you.

Chris.