I know what you all thought when you read my title LOL!

I won't be hurting b/c I miss X or anything but he will have the boys for Christmas and this is really upsetting to me.  This will be the first time I am not with them during a holiday and it hurts to think they will be opening their gifts without me.  I'm really angry at my STBX for taking my kids from me at Christmas time when HE was the one out screwing around and HE was the one that could not stop porn and his other issues.  It really isn't fair and I'm sorry but I'm pouting about it.  Yes, I will celebrate it several days beforehand but it just isn't quite the same to me.  Rationally I know it is only fair for him to have them too for holidays but I am angry that he is the one that caused me to be away from the boys. 

Charlie

Oh Charlie I so hear your anger

Dday is December 11th and as such I seem to be going through a wealth of emotions right now. From the bottom of the barrel they seem to come up and grab me and I can't shake em loose. Tie that into Christmas being only a few weeks away and an exam I am writing on Friday and you have the ingredients for a Nervous Kid Breakdown.

I remember writing another exam just 2 years ago and finding out about the affair a few days later. Its a massive trigger, but then so is Christmas.

I am having a hard time stopping the tears right now. But then i decided oh well just let em flow.

Christmas isn't the same for me and I am not sure it ever will be that joyous happy occasion it once was. Just another thing the rat bastard took from me.

Not to mention the 12 years I gave him. For what I wonder? Why did i waste so much of my life pleasing him and making him happy when I got nothing in return.

I guess the one thing that I do think about alot is on Christmas morning there won't be any gifts under the tree for me.........but then there wasn't when he was here either. They were all for him compliments of me!

So I hope he is enjoying his giftless Christmas's or all the presents he gets on somebody's elses dime.

Apparently the anger stage can come back at any time to kick you in the butt!!!

Charlie.........you are far better off being alone than being with somebody that doesn't love and respect you!

Hmmm i am sensing a CHRISTMAS PARTY on open.........Cory you pouring drinks????

I hear you.

I had the kids here all day Thanksgiving. (At least their mom has her dad in town. If I want extended family, it's a 650-mile trip.)

That means I will NOT have the kids here Christmas.

I have NEVER spent Christmas morning alone, never in 45 years. I think I will call the boys and wake them at their mother's (just to get even for all those years of THEM waking ME early), partake of some Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee and good danish, then take a long walk with a dog. (Or more likely, three short walks with three different dogs.)

I can cry, or I can celebrate. Celebrating's more fun.

Chris.

As long as the party isn't on the weekend of December 10 - 12, I can be there. I'll be in Arizona that weekend, teaching self defense to a bunch of blind kids. Yes, I know, a free trip to Arizona in December is a REAL bummer, but I'll tough it out...

My D-Day was December 7. Pearl Harbor Day. Six years this year. Things started with my W and OM before that. Their first time was on the day I flew across the country to be with my nephew, who had lost his newborn son (named after me). While I was consoling my nephew and his wife, they were screwing around...

Now, let's factor in holidays of the past. I worked for Toys R Us many years ago, Christmas help.... During the Cabbage Patch craze. Yeah, you see the REAL spirit of Xmas there, let me tell you....

Then factor in all the clowning and animating I did during holiday seasons. Basically, we were paid to watch people's unsupervised brat kids while mom & dad got drunk. There was one particular gig where the clowns drew straws. The loser had to work that gig.

Christmas spirit? Yeah, right.

When I was a kid, I loved Christmas time. It was also my birthday time (12/21). I loved the lights, and especially Christmas music. It always uplifted me.

During these past six years, I would frantically search for Xmas music, I think trying to recapture that feeling so long dead in me. Last year, I even compiled a CD I called, "Cory's Ultimate Christmas CD" featuring songs both old and new, from Bing & Frank to George Thorogood & Gary Hoey (kick ass instrumental version of the Grinch song). Listened to all of it over and over... nothing.

This year, out of the blue... That feeling came back. We were driving back home from the in-laws and my son was pointing out the various houses with lights, and I was explaining to him how these people were rookies compared to his aunt's "Griswold House" in Florida...

The next morning, we started pulling out all the stuff for decorating. I've never decorated outside the house, as the way my house situated, I'd have to do all 4 sides of the house. All of a sudden, I said, "Screw it. Let's go to the store and get some lights". We're in the store, getting the lights, and I just started feeling that "good" feeling again.... Don't know why, it just came over me. Not complaining, mind you...

Too bad there wasn't anyone around with a videocamera to capture the blind guy scrambling around on his roof, stringing up lights. I proved once again that, although I don't see very well, I AM Spider Man!! LOL

All that to say this: Yes, it took a while, but you CAN recapture that old holiday feeling. I did, and the funny part was, it happened after I'd pretty much given up hope of it ever happening. Maybe that's the key?

Cory

Sight and Vision are two different things.

Kid

"Not to mention the 12 years I gave him. For what I wonder?  Why did I waste so much of my life pleasing him and making him happy when I got nothing in return."

I wonder the same.  I remember the times that he would cut the grass and I would take him cold water out because he was hot.  There are times I would cut the grass while he was in the house and he never ONCE took me out water unless I asked for it.  When he cut the grass he thought he should come in and get to relax afterwards and when I cut the grass, he thought he needed a break from the kids when I got in.  Funny how he always turned things around to benefit himself.  I think I lived nearly my whole marriage dealing with that sort of selfishness and it is a relief to be out of it so I am not at all wanting to be with him during the holiday.  I will, however, miss my kids.  It just breaks my heart that I will not be able to see the joy in their faces on Christmas day with them opening all their presents.  I won't be the one who puts cookies out for Santa with them the night before.  My son with a disability signed to me yesterday that he wanted to give Santa a Lindt chocolate ball.  I thought that was cute and I can't do it with him.  It makes me mad to tell my kids that they'll have to talk to dad about that stuff.

"I guess the one thing that I do think about alot is on Christmas morning there won't be any gifts under the tree for me..."

"If I want extended family, it's a 650-mile trip"

Chris and Kid

Do you have any family close by or a good friend to share it with?  Too bad all us divorcees aren't closer to one another so we could all have a Christmas drink together in person.  I do refuse to let my X ruin my Christmas regardless of him having the kids.  My parents and sister and family are coming to my house for the holiday and I will try to make the best of it.  I'll even go out and get some eggnog and add a little rum to it :>)  I think it is important to have some family with you instead of staying alone and I would even drive all the way down to FL to be with my parents by myself if no one was coming here regardless of the 13 hour drive.  JMHO, but I think in our situations we have to do the things that WILL make us happy during the holiday.  It's probably the best way to keep out of depression.

Charlie

 

 

I will only be alone on Christmas morning.

Not much chance for depression Christmas day...I'll be cooking something nice for our "family of choice" dinner, and that always makes me feel good. I was trying to decide tonight between stuffed mushrooms (I have a really complicated recipe that requires HOURS of prep, but everybody loves 'em), marinated sashimi tuna, or something new. We don't do a sitdown dinner, just grazing stuff...tapas style...years of "greatest hits" recipes that we've accumulated.

So JC, that dried cherry stuffing won't work for Christmas.

Oops. I was supposed to be depressed and morose about this. Instead I'm thinking about cooking.



Chris.

(((Charlie))).  Is there no way that you can see your boys on Christmas day too?  Like, can you pick them up at 1.00pm?  Or can you be there in the morning at 8.00am for an hour when they open their gifts and then leave?  Surely you can telephone them at the least.  As parents know, there is no chance of waking anyone up early on Christmas morning. 

I don't know what to say to make you feel better, except to focus on when you can see them instead of when you can't.

My exH has always stepped back at Christmas, I don't know how I would cope otherwise.  But I am more than happy to share the children on the day.

This isn't going to be the plans for every Christmas is it, do you get the boys next year?

FR

Make yourself some new special memories.

I put up Christmas last weekend lights and all on the little apartment patio. Although I don't know who can see them across the Mississippi River valley.

This month is going to be super busy with both daughters & granddaughter coming up from TX at different times. I'm having folks over for my oldest's college graduation party. Yes! Planning a big party. Help JC, cause people are going to expect some pretty decent food. I'm not making chocolate covered potato chips for this.

Each year I pick 2-3 families with kids and make gingerbread houses (with candy supplies). So that production will begin next weekend.

Move over bad memories. You gotta go.

FR

No, I can't get the kids half the day b/c X is going out of town for a week during Christmas.  I had them for Thanksgiving.  Next year we will switch it.  It still bums me out though.

Chris, I'm glad you won't be alone the whole day!

Charlie