Is it really possible to love your WS again? There are fleeting moments when I do but most of the time I think of how nice it might be to be single again. The thought of being intimate has no appeal to me and that was not the case after the discovery. Five and 1/2 months have passed and I am more inclined to seperate than I was before.. I think I would be long gone if not for the kids..

>>Is it really possible to love your WS again?<<

Some mighty fine people around here say it is and I believe them.

>>There are fleeting moments when I do but most of the time I think of how nice it might be to be single again<<

Does your WS know this? I read somewhere that I had an obligation to let my spouse if I felt that way. I took that advice and told her and I guess I'm glad I did. We have been divorced for about 6 months but I think I would feel the same way if we had stayed together.

>>I think I would be long gone if not for the kids ... <<

I know that feeling - "staying for the kids". I had a "five year plan" - hang in until the youngest had graduated HS. It worked for me for about a year.

Is there something that your WS could be doing that might help? Time can help to heal the wounds but there are some people who think that what you do with that time is pretty important too.

Frankly, you don't sound very committed to rebuilding your marriage. Is it just a bad day? You seem to be saying that it is more than that. If you aren't committed, it's difficult to imagine how your marriage could survive. In any case, it can be very tough to know when to call it quits.

I have told my spouse that divorce is an option for me and his response is "I'll rip your heart out if you file." OUCH, not again.
You were right when you said I am not committed to rebuilding the marriage (most of the time)....that is what he says too...I guess the WS has no idea what it feels like to be so trampled on. I guess it is easier to encourage moving on and forgetting if you are the one who needs to be forgiven.
I guess my confidence is still a little shaky, still feel like a bit of a fool.
My WS has come a long way and I feel like I have gone backwards. He is doing all the things right that were tearing us apart before and now I don't really care. The MC says I will be a bitter woman if I don't repair this marriage. Ouch....I was known for my optimism and enthusiasm before.
It has been nearly six months since D-Day and I am doing okay with the day to day stuff but feel funny when I ask him things like "how was your day?, did the meeting go okay?',,,you know the things we use to chit chat about and now I realize he was lying and how easy those lies came to him...

>>"I'll rip your heart out if you file."<<

Really? No kidding? Not a very good response for a spouse who wants to remain married but who (as you said) has ripped your heart out recently. In my book, if I cheat, my spouse gets to divorce me (no further discussion necessary). If my spouse chooses to give me a second chance, I know I'm on thin ice and that "I'll rip your heart out" could easily crack it wide open.

First he's unfaithful and now he's threatening you physically? Weird guy.

>> I guess the WS has no idea what it feels like to be so trampled on. I guess it is easier to encourage moving on and forgetting if you are the one who needs to be forgiven<<

I would say that's very common for WS. That's what my X was like. In fact, she demanded that we move on - which gave me the impression that she wasn't going to get with the marriage rebuilding program any time soon. And I was right. She didn't get with the program until after I had left and after she had filed for divorce. It was a strange situation too.

>>He is doing all the things right that were tearing us apart before and now I don't really care. The MC says I will be a bitter woman if I don't repair this marriage<<

Don't get me started on marriage counselors. What I don't get it never seems to occur to any of them that you might become a bitter woman if you allowed your h to walk all over while you busy yourself with forgiving him. Honestly. I just don't get it. I had three marriage counselors and they all took the same approach as yours. In fact, in four years of posting I've never heard of a marriage counselor who seemed in the least bit concerned that the betrayed spouse might need some help setting some firm personal boundaries about what they will and will not accept.

To be blunt, that's my concern - that if you continue to accept this kind of treatment from your h (betraying you and then threatening you for considering a reasonable option - divorce) that you will become increasingly bitter, shaky, and lacking in self-confidence (to say the least). Infidelity can be a form of abuse. A person can get used to being abused but it's not a pretty sight.

On the other hand, six months from d-day isn't very long. I hope you see some changes in your h soon, though. He may not have much time.

Sheesh.