I don't know what I am going to do. After 7 months of looking after he quit his last job (because of the stress and the toll it was taking on his health with his epilepsy and diabetes) my husband finally landed a job in January. It wasn't perfect but it paid better than his last job. But now he quit this job.

It all went down like this ...

Two weeks ago his boss found out he had epilepsy and fired him on the spot. H called HQ in New York and informed them that it was a viloation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. We had them. They asked for a Doctor's note to ensure he was fit for duty. His neurologist said, "no way" because his job involves sometimes going on a ladder. Our PCP at first said no way because he does not see her often enough. She finally agreed to the note only if he sees her every month and gets regular blood work. It was a pain, but he agreed to it in order to keep his job.

Obviously, his boss did not like the fact that H went over his head and got his job back. He's been riding him hard ever since. Requiring him to do things that he has not been trained to do. Hanging up on him when he calls for information and telling others about his medical condition. (also a viloation of the ADA)

This morning H calls me in tears. He's crying, saying he can't take it anymore. He is losing it -- big time. Tells me he is going home and taking all his pills and is going to kill himself. Says he hates his job, his life and everyone. Says he does not care anymore and does not care that we need the money to get by. H is prone to drama so I don't know if he is telling the truth or not. He's done the "I'm going to hurt myself" bit so many times just to get his way in the past, so I don't know if he means it.

For an hour I try to reach him and his therapist and get nowhere. He finally calls me and says he is home and he quit and he is going to bed. I asked if he talked to his therapist and he said yes, but could not tell me what she said.

He is a mess and I don't know what to do. I can't just sit by and watch him go to pieces but in the same respect I can't "fix" whatever is hurting him. What to do?

I'm so sorry for the pain you and your H are suffering. Reading your post, all I could think was what kind of a**h**** ill treats someone because that person has epilepsy? How ignorant is that idiot???? It is so hard to imagine that in the 21st century, people are still that ignorant. I don't know what you will do, but if it helps, know that there are plenty of us in the world who are on your side.

Big fairy hugs,

fairyfriend

Lisa,

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. It seemed like the job, the busyness he had made things better between the two of you. I cannot believe what an idiot your H's boss is especially considering the fact that he could be sued for the way he treated your H.
I hope that you can bounce back from this as a couple and that he finds another job soon!
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Denise

Thanks. I'm pretty upset about all of it. Not just because of the unjustness of it all, but because I am worried about our finances. I can't continue to pay for everything.

I hate to say it, but I am tired of dealing with all of his "issues." He is not the most pleasant person to be around, especially when something bad happens. He has no coping skills at all anymore. His way of dealing with stress is to call me and cuss me out. I'm tired of it.

But it would be hearless to toss him when he is at his lowest. Wouldn't it? Or am I still being manipulated? I don't know. He could very well be on the verge of a major breakdown and could possibly try to hurt himself or it coud be more self-directed drama so that he can get attention -- which is what he craves more than anything -- hence, the affair and the online flirting.

But do I really want to take that chance? What if I am wrong and come home one day and find out that he took all of his medicine and is dead. What then?

God, I hate this. When will it end?

Lisa,

I hate to say this as I don't want to be cold, but you need to take care of yourself first and worry about him later. You are not his mother! He needs to be a man.

I do not agree with the way he was treated on the job and I would think about quitting too, but my family is what comes first and if that means I stick with a bad job, I will do just that until I can find something else and move on.

I believe to some degree you are being manipulated. He wants you to feel sorry for him, he wants to you to be there for him even when he is not for you. While I truly believe that marriage is for better or for worse, that is only for couples who are dedicated to and there for each other, but in having the affair he has destroyed that.

Ron

As a Vice President of Human Resources, I usually don't recommend this....however if his boss was disclosing his medical information, it is not only a violation of American with Disabilities but also of HIPPA (which is huge right now). You seriously have an option to sue him for disclosure - and I bet you could find plenty of attorneys that would love to take the case, and ADA may even provide you with one? I suspect his company would settle first (and probably term the boss - which is what he deserves for being so stupid and assanine). One way to pay for the loss of income.

However, keep in mind that if your husband is a mess - he could have also been doing a poor job at work and was termed for performance (would you really know)?? But again, that would be irrelevant to the medical disclosure situation - and actually the threats, therapist etc would help in the case to show that he was distraught over all of this.

If it were me - I would pursue this and if you win - I'd put that money somewhere safe - if you decide enough is enough - YOU may need it. One of you has to be thinking clearly and rationally.

And honestly, you are a saint to deal with this. I also believed that marriage was for better or worse - but let's face it honey - he broke that contract when he decided to have an affair! And is this a marriage anymore or a babysitting service?

Just my two cents Course this is coming from a divorced woman so what do I know about marriage - lol

P.S. let me know if you need assistance with legal research - I have some great websites on employment law.

Cherish

Lisa, I just read your earlier post (I don't come out here much anymore) and I've changed my mind - you are MORE than a saint!

Honey, I would call for legal advise on how to get him out of the house (especially if you can show that you pay all the bills) - or find a friend - you'd be surprised at the accomodations people will make for you in this kind of situation.

What kind of life does he have? He*& what kind of life do you have with him????

If he doesn't want to get his a%* off the internet and work then let him - but don't let him take you down with him.

As I've always said - you only get one chance at this life - make it the best you can - and don't let anyone else take it away from you !!!

Let me ask you a question - if you left him do you thing you would have regrets? Not guilt or pity but actual regrets? If you stay - do you think you will have regrets for the life you gave up?

Cherish